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Book Review: Smart Girls Marry Money

Myst — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:21:17 -0700

Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream--And How They're Paying For It (Hardcover)

A friend gave me a copy of this book a couple of months ago and I've been meaning to write a review for it for a while now. I would analyze why the hell she gave me this book but it's neither here nor there.

The synopsis of the book from the back cover:

"Why does society applaud a girl who falls for a guy's 'big blue eyes' yet denounces one who chooses a man with a 'big green bankroll'? After all, isn't earning power more a reflection of a man's values and character? Smart Girls Marry Money challenges the ideals and assumptions women have blindly accepted about love and marriage--and shows how they've done so at their own economic peril. In this brazen manifesto, authors Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake use cold hard facts, real science, and true stories to present a compelling case for why mercenary marriages make the most sense for future happiness.
"Smart Girls taps into a growing collective suspicion that the post-feminist world isn't all it's cracked up to be. Ford and Drake think it's high time that women get their heads out of the clouds and start carring about their own security--the kind that can be measured in dollars and common sense. With an irreverent, straight-talk tone, the authors serve up a sound case and intriguing strategy for how women can truly 'have it all.' Sure to spark conversation and controversy, Smart Girls Marry Money will ultimately empower women with a new way to take control of their economic and romantic lives."

Smart Girls Marry Money is underlining for two Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake both who are divorcees, well one is remarried (I wonder if her new husband is rich?)Talks about why is it ok for women to marry for love and not money? A question for the ages. In my opinion this book is nothing but glorified gold-digging. Yes some of the points that they discuss are some really good points, such as: women have been programmed into thinking that they'll find their Prince Charming or the Perfect men and they'll date "losers" after losers in their search for this perfect love, and women settling for married men. We're all realistic here. There's no such thing as the perfect guy, however there is a such thing as the perfect guy for you and that's just something that money can not buy. Hunting a man down simply for his financial statements is not the recipe for a happy marriage.
All in all, I while I do think the authors maybe had a good intent, this book is nothing better than the other how to guides for How To Marry Rich.

Verdict: It's a fun read, but if you're easily insulted, don't waste your time or money.

Frugal Tip Monday: It's Not What you Make but What You Spend?

FashionWithoutGuilt — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:49:43 -0700

Finance is another true love of mine. I came across a great article on Iwillteachyoutoberich.com regarding Conscious Spending. It definetly hit home with everything that I have been reading about lately. It's not what you make but what you spend is the real key to financial success.

According to Ramit Sethi, unless you establish a financial mindset at a very young age it is hard to break the I-want-it-now habit. He gives a scenario of three friends, their salaries and how they spend.

Friend 1: The Shoe Lover-She spends at least $5000 a year on footwear. Stating that he does not truley believe in the purchase but her six figure salary and various investment makes her authorized for a splurge or two.

Friend 2: The Partier- This friend can roughly spends close to $21,000 a year on entertainment. Mind you that is a bit excessive but again with a healthy salary and a nice standing in his 401K and real estate invesments he is sitting pretty.

And last but not least, Friend 3: The Subscription Nut- He has every subscription from Netflix, local gyms, and online music accounts. He does not disclose his salary but does mention that he does have a budget and plan for his money every month. That means its not more about the spending than it is managing the money.Money should always have a name and a plan.

Iwillteachyoutoberich.com is a great resource for help and direction to a secure financial future. I just ordered the book yesterday, and I hope it lives up to everything that I hope for. I will write a review and let you know if it is worth the read.

Check out another Frugal Tip Monday tips about creating a budget and tools to help manage your finances.

Dita Von Teese EXCLUSIVE: Ok.co.uk gets up close and personal with the burlesque goddess

kty — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:13:05 -0800

DITA Von Teese is a busy lady.

When the famous burlesque dancer isn't performing at the Crazy Horse or dancing in a martini glass she is coming up with new routines and keeping her to-die-for figure in shape.
Ok.co.uk snatched a precious moment with the curvy beauty to find out what she's been up to recently, how she keeps fit and what she likes to wear in bed...

Hi Dita, how are you and what have you been up to recently?

I've been great! I've been spending a lot of time at my Paris apartment, taking French lessons and learning to live as a Parisienne! But now I am getting set to go back to Los Angeles to prepare for my shows at The MGM Grand in Las Vegas at The Crazy Horse Paris there.

What are your naughty wardrobe must-haves?

Great fitting lingerie. I always buy sexy bras of good quality that fit me well and give a good shape, and I always buy the string and the bikini that match. I am also obsessed with the perfect vintage fully-fashioned back-seamed stockings, so much so that I have my own brand which are made precisely as they were in the 1940s.

You obviously have an incredible (and world famous!) figure, how do you stay in shape?

I mostly do pilates on a reformer, but I also do yoga and take ballet classes. For me, variety is the key to a successful workout regime. When I get bored, I don't want to go.

What are you most comfortable wearing?

Something uncomfortable!! Ha!

Do you ever take a day off and just throw on some jeans/jogging bottoms?

Kidding aside, yes, of course I have days "off", and I do like to be physically comfortable. I don't know why everyone thinks jeans are so easy and comfy... I can get dressed more quickly and comfortably- not to mention chicly - in a pretty 50's era cotton day dress with a single zip up the back!With jeans you have to squeeze into them, button, zip, etc then you have to find a shirt to wear with it, and finally some silly socks and trainers! I grab one of my vintage dresses, one quick zip up the back, and I slip on a pair of ballet flats or easy heels, and voila, I look nice and I got dressed quickly and easily and I'm off! I hate that "I don't want anyone to think I care but look at me in my carefully-planned disheveled look" thing! I don't actually spend hours getting ready on a day-to-day basis, and I'm certainly not about spending a fortune on or making the effort with something as unappealing to me as jeans. I look silly in jeans.

What do you wear to bed?

Either a little lace slip or nothing at all. I love being nude in very fine sheets. I keep a dressing gown next to the bed and that's what I slip in and out of to wear around the house.

Who is your style inspiration at the moment (that is current)?

My modern influences are designers like John Galliano and Jean Paul Gaultier, and I reference things from books I have and old films I see. I definitely see other celebrities who look lovely, but my inspirations go beyond "lovely" and into eccentric, over-the-top territory!

Which staple item of clothing should every girl have in their wardrobe?

The perfect black dress that shows a bit of cleavage, but not too much of anything else. There should be one focal point. If you find the perfect dress, you can wear it over and over in different ways, with a great statement brooch, or a pair of shoes and handbag in a vibrant color, with gloves or a hat. I have a few of these perfect black dresses that I wear over and over, but no one notices it's the same dress because I wear it with different accessories.

How can girls with a tight budget achieve the ‘Dita’ look?

It's actually fairly easy because the fact is, my look is derived from not having money to buy expensive clothes. That is the reason I began collecting vintage clothes! I could see parallels between my favorite designers and vintage styles, so I would shop for vintage. Nowadays I see so many modern made clothes of all price points, I think it's become quite easy to look chic on a budget. My number one rule these days is to buy timeless, good quality pieces that I can wear year after year rather than trying to buy lots and lots of clothes. I would suggest to save up for the day you see that perfect dress that you might have considered to be too expensive. I find that it's actually more economical than snatching up piles of clothes. Whenever I do that, I end up with a bunch of things I never wear.

What’s it like being in your giant martini glass for The Bath? It looks uncomfortable!

Nothing worth doing is easy, and nothing that looks effortless actually is. I'm really only in there for about 3 minutes, and onstage, I never feel any kind of pain or discomfort anyway! I've come offstage with scrapes and cuts, but never feel it until later on.

Every girl likes to feel sexy and confidence is obviously the key, but do you have any mantras or routines that help you to feel sexy even when you’re having an ‘off’ day?

Well, like any woman, I do have off days, and I guess I just do my best to get through it and try to do something that makes me feel better, like exercising or making more of an effort with my appearance, like wearing a favourite dress. And sometimes there's nothing to do but go to bed and count on tomorrow being another day!

You’ve said the reason your style evolved was because you didn’t feel comfortable or suit the ‘normal’ look, what are your tips for girls who want to look different?

The most important thing to remember is that there can be no real definition of beauty... that old saying that beauty is "in the eye of the beholder" is the truth. Being true to yourself and using what you've got it the best way, I'm really just a girl who is enhancing what she's got, and that's it! I think there is something to be said for the women of the world that achieved glamour rather than being born a natural beauty, look at women like Marene Dietrich, Rita Hayworth etc all these women that once looked very average but managed to undergo a reinvention to become the icons we still remember today. There is no real reason that anyone can't do that with enough ambition, even if it's not for the silver screen, but for yourself, in your own movie - the one called your life!

What would you say are rules for a first date or dating rules in general?

I don't really have rules for first dates, because you never know but I do try to reveal myself to a degree, for instance I never try to dress down to make my date think I'm "normal" or anything like that! I like to make a good impression, but I don't want to make a man think I'm something I'm not. I think he ought to know right away that I like to wear this much eyeliner and this much lipstick! I think when I was younger I thought about what others thought of me from time to time, but that's out the window now. Being different and taking the road less travelled is what made me successful.

You always look incredible on stage, but do you still get nervous before a routine?

Of course I do! There's a lot to think about, and nervous energy is part of what makes a good show. When I feel too much at ease, the show usually doesn't go the way I want it to. I never relax into it. I control my nerves very well, I just do what I need to do to be in the right frame of mind, I have a few little rules to help keep it that way, mostly related to being alone to think and prepare. The cardinal rule is to not let anyone interrupt my backstage alone time.

What would you say is the difference between stripping and burlesque?

The term "Burlesque" as we know it today comes from a type of risque variety show in America that one would go to see in the 1930's and 40's, and performing striptease - stripping - is the word to describe what the burlesque performers did onstage. It's not just my opinion, it's a fact. Nowadays we use the word "burlesque" to describe this retro-styled striptease that is seeing a big revival. Without the strip, it's not burlesque, that's for certain, and the greatest burlesque star that ever lived, Gypsy Rose Lee, called herself a stripper. 'Stripper' is not a bad word, and you aren't going to hear me tell you that there is a difference between burlesque and stripping, because I think that's awfully pretentious to go on and on about how burlesque isn't really stripping - it is! Burlesque-style striptease is where the modern pole dancing type strip originated from, and essentially, we're all related. Initially, I worked in strip clubs, as did most of us that were at the forefront of the burlesque revival in the early 1990s, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I believe that those years spent on strip club stages is part of what makes me good at what I do.

What was it like performing at Crazy Horse?

I have a very high regard and respect for The Crazy Horse, it's a historic place. When I was a teenager, I saw one little picture in Playboy of these beautiful nearly nude 'toy soldiers' lined up, and I was desperate to find out more about this mysterious place. There was no internet yet, and I couldn't find out anything about it. I didn't even have the name of it, just this image that was in my head for all those years. So years later, when I was finally in paris when I was in my early 20s, I kept asking people about these naked 'toy soldiers', and I finally saw the show, and I was amazed. I went to the show every night I was in Paris, and for the next decade I would go see the show every chance I got. I also befriended a Crazy Horse historian and so I would get to see all the archives and meet former dancers. A few years ago I did a photo shoot there, which is something they never allowed, in order to preserve the mystery of the place. Little by little, I became more involved, and I became the first guest star in the history of The Crazy, so that was exciting. Everyone who was anyone went there, since 1951, and for me, just to be in that theatre to see the same stage that all these stars went, from Marlene Dietrich, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, John F Kennedy, Gypsy Rose Lee, Salvador Dali, the guest list is impressive, and well, I just think it's incredible to think that there was once a time when a show like this was revered like that. It's the art of nude, the glorification of the female form, absolute perfection. There is no show like it on earth, and the history and mystery of this place is amazing. I'm a big fan, and part of my driving force in performing there was to bring attention to this amazing show, and of course I liked the challenge in creating acts for it that are both true to their history and ideals, and at the same time true to mine, which is based in American style classic burlesque, which is what originally inspired the founder to create the Crazy Horse in Paris.

How do you come up with your routines?

Ah well, coming up with the ideas isn't the problem, it's following through that is. I have lots of ideas for shows but then I have to really take some time to think about whether I want to invest the money and time into the idea. It takes a lot of time, effort and money to build one new act, and I am my own financier! Sometimes it can become frustrating because I do build all these big new elaborate shows and I will still get asked to do one of my oldest, simplest shows, like the Martini glass! And when I come up with these opulent new acts, they don't fit on some stages, or it's too expensive to ship...so there are lots of factors that come into play when making a new act.

* Crazy Horse Paris with Dita Von Teese available on DVD nowInterview by Nikki Barr.

Romney Makes 'No Apology' For Going After Obama

Roarman — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:36:48 -0800

Mitt Romney has been a governor, the head of an investment capital firm and the man who ran the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics. More recently he applied for an even bigger job but finished out of the money in the Republican presidential primaries of 2008.

Romney seems set on another run in 2012, the latest sign being the release of his new book. No Apology: The Case for American Greatness comes with a big promotional tour starting Tuesday.

Romney's presidential run came to an end in February 2008 before members of the Conservative Political Action Conference, known as CPAC, in Washington. Romney had bounced back a bit after crucial early losses in Iowa and New Hampshire the month before. But he could see he was done.

"I entered this race because I love America," Romney told the crowd then. "Because I love America, in this time of war, I feel I have to now stand aside for our party and for our country."

It was a difficult day for a man accustomed to success but Romney wasn't ready to regard the setback as permanent. He spent two years helping raise money for Republican candidates across the country. He's making friends and collecting favors and last month he was back at CPAC - this time having more fun.

Romney told the crowd he was just back from the Olympics: "You probably didn't hear the news this morning - late-breaking - that the gold medal that was won by Lindsey Vonn has been stripped. It was determined that President Obama has been going downhill faster than she has."

The joke was followed by a by a broad critique of the administration: "When he assumed the presidency, his energy should have been focused on fixing the economy, creating jobs, succeeding in our fight against radical violent jihad in Afghanistan and Iraq; and keeping us safe," Romney asserted.

"Instead, he applied his time and political capital to his ill-conceived take over of health care, and to building his personal popularity in foreign countries. He failed to focus, and so he failed."

In his book, the title No Apology echoes a common critique of the president by Republicans - that Obama has been too willing to apologize around the world for American actions.

Elsewhere in the book Romney lays out a vision for U.S. economic and foreign policy. It argues that the current path is one toward weakness and decline.

As for the book tour, Romney will be all over network and cable TV Tuesday - ending with a stop at the Late Show David Letterman. So far the travel schedule includes 42 stops in 19 states.

"You look where he's going on this book tour and he has surrounded himself with the same guys he had in 2008," says Erick Erickson, who publishes the popular Republican blog RedState.com. "He's definitely in for President."

Romney's 08 campaign had trouble with conservatives, particularly evangelicals who had doubts about his Mormonism and about his switch from pro-choice Massachusetts governor to pro-life presidential candidate.

Some analysts wondered why he didn't simply run on his resume as a highly successful business man and executive. With polls showing the struggling economy and weak jobs picture to be the dominant issue for Americans, Erickson says Romney has an opportunity while on this book tour.

"He needs to set himself up as the fixer," Erickson adds. "As the guy who knows what's wrong with the economy and can fix it."

But a big book tour also risks comparison to others on the same well-trodden path - including one whose book came out in November: Sarah Palin.

Kevin Madden, a GOP strategist who worked for Romney in 08, is quick to head off comparisons to Palin's massive crowds. "This is not about building crowds, instead it's about going out and meeting people sharing his ideas and his vision for the country with as many people as possible. Rather than being an event, it's a process of engaging on many of these ideas and issues."

The Republican party is searching for a new standard bearer, as polls show it is on track to make big gains in this year's mid-term elections.

Mitt Romney wants to make sure his name is more than just part of that discussion.

Source: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124227822

Millions of Unemployed Face Years Without Jobs

Roarman — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:42:41 -0800

Even as the American economy shows tentative signs of a rebound, the human toll of the recession continues to mount, with millions of Americans remaining out of work, out of savings and nearing the end of their unemployment benefits.

Economists fear that the nascent recovery will leave more people behind than in past recessions, failing to create jobs in sufficient numbers to absorb the record-setting ranks of the long-term unemployed.

Call them the new poor: people long accustomed to the comforts of middle-class life who are now relying on public assistance for the first time in their lives - potentially for years to come.

Yet the social safety net is already showing severe strains. Roughly 2.7 million jobless people will lose their unemployment check before the end of April unless Congress approves the Obama administration’s proposal to extend the payments, according to the Labor Department.

Here in Southern California, Jean Eisen has been without work since she lost her job selling beauty salon equipment more than two years ago. In the several months she has endured with neither a paycheck nor an unemployment check, she has relied on local food banks for her groceries.

She has learned to live without the prescription medications she is supposed to take for high blood pressure and cholesterol. She has become effusively religious - an unexpected turn for this onetime standup comic with X-rated material - finding in Christianity her only form of health insurance.

“I pray for healing,” says Ms. Eisen, 57. “When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got to go with what you know.”

Warm, outgoing and prone to the positive, Ms. Eisen has worked much of her life. Now, she is one of 6.3 million Americans who have been unemployed for six months or longer, the largest number since the government began keeping track in 1948. That is more than double the toll in the next-worst period, in the early 1980s.

Men have suffered the largest numbers of job losses in this recession. But Ms. Eisen has the unfortunate distinction of being among a group - women from 45 to 64 years of age - whose long-term unemployment rate has grown rapidly.

In 1983, after a deep recession, women in that range made up only 7 percent of those who had been out of work for six months or longer, according to the Labor Department. Last year, they made up 14 percent.

Twice, Ms. Eisen exhausted her unemployment benefits before her check was restored by a federal extension. Last week, her check ran out again. She and her husband now settle their bills with only his $1,595 monthly disability check. The rent on their apartment is $1,380.

“We’re looking at the very real possibility of being homeless,” she said.

Every downturn pushes some people out of the middle class before the economy resumes expanding. Most recover. Many prosper. But some economists worry that this time could be different. An unusual constellation of forces - some embedded in the modern-day economy, others unique to this wrenching recession - might make it especially difficult for those out of work to find their way back to their middle-class lives.

Labor experts say the economy needs 100,000 new jobs a month just to absorb entrants to the labor force. With more than 15 million people officially jobless, even a vigorous recovery is likely to leave an enormous number out of work for years.

Some labor experts note that severe economic downturns are generally followed by powerful expansions, suggesting that aggressive hiring will soon resume. But doubts remain about whether such hiring can last long enough to absorb anywhere close to the millions of unemployed.

A New Scarcity of Jobs

Some labor experts say the basic functioning of the American economy has changed in ways that make jobs scarce - particularly for older, less-educated people like Ms. Eisen, who has only a high school diploma.

Large companies are increasingly owned by institutional investors who crave swift profits, a feat often achieved by cutting payroll. The declining influence of unions has made it easier for employers to shift work to part-time and temporary employees. Factory work and even white-collar jobs have moved in recent years to low-cost countries in Asia and Latin America. Automation has helped manufacturing cut 5.6 million jobs since 2000 - the sort of jobs that once provided lower-skilled workers with middle-class paychecks.

“American business is about maximizing shareholder value,” said Allen Sinai, chief global economist at the research firm Decision Economics. “You basically don’t want workers. You hire less, and you try to find capital equipment to replace them.”

During periods of American economic expansion in the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s, the number of private-sector jobs increased about 3.5 percent a year, according to an analysis of Labor Department data by Lakshman Achuthan, managing director of the Economic Cycle Research Institute, a research firm. During expansions in the 1980s and ’90s, jobs grew just 2.4 percent annually. And during the last decade, job growth fell to 0.9 percent annually.

“The pace of job growth has been getting weaker in each expansion,” Mr. Achuthan said. “There is no indication that this pattern is about to change.”

Before 1990, it took an average of 21 months for the economy to regain the jobs shed during a recession, according to an analysis of Labor Department data by the National Employment Law Project and the Economic Policy Institute, a labor-oriented research group in Washington.

After the recessions in 1990 and in 2001, 31 and 46 months passed before employment returned to its previous peaks. The economy was growing, but companies remained conservative in their hiring.

Some 34 million people were hired into new and existing private-sector jobs in 2000, at the tail end of an expansion, according to Labor Department data. A year later, in the midst of recession, hiring had fallen off to 31.6 million. And as late as 2003, with the economy again growing, hiring in the private sector continued to slip, to 29.8 million.

It was a jobless recovery: Business was picking up, but it simply did not translate into more work. This time, hiring may be especially subdued, labor economists say.

Traditionally, three sectors have led the way out of recession: automobiles, home building and banking. But auto companies have been shrinking because strapped households have less buying power. Home building is limited by fears about a glut of foreclosed properties. Banking is expanding, but this seems largely a function of government support that is being withdrawn.

At the same time, the continued bite of the financial crisis has crimped the flow of money to small businesses and new ventures, which tend to be major sources of new jobs.

All of which helps explain why Ms. Eisen - who has never before struggled to find work - feels a familiar pain each time she scans job listings on her computer: There are positions in health care, most requiring experience she lacks. Office jobs demand familiarity with software she has never used. Jobs at fast food restaurants are mostly secured by young people and immigrants.

If, as Mr. Sinai expects, the economy again expands without adding many jobs, millions of people like Ms. Eisen will be dependent on an unemployment insurance already being severely tested.

“The system was ill prepared for the reality of long-term unemployment,” said Maurice Emsellem, a policy director for the National Employment Law Project. “Now, you add a severe recession, and you have created a crisis of historic proportions.”

Fewer Protections

Some poverty experts say the broader social safety net is not up to cushioning the impact of the worst downturn since the Great Depression. Social services are less extensive than during the last period of double-digit unemployment, in the early 1980s.

On average, only two-thirds of unemployed people received state-provided unemployment checks last year, according to the Labor Department. The rest either exhausted their benefits, fell short of requirements or did not apply.

“You have very large sets of people who have no social protections,” said Randy Albelda, an economist at the University of Massachusetts in Boston. “They are landing in this netherworld.”

When Ms. Eisen and her husband, Jeff, applied for food stamps, they were turned away for having too much monthly income. The cutoff was $1,570 a month - $25 less than her husband’s disability check.

Reforms in the mid-1990s imposed time limits on cash assistance for poor single mothers, a change predicated on the assumption that women would trade welfare checks for paychecks.

Yet as jobs have become harder to get, so has welfare: as of 2006, 44 states cut off anyone with a household income totaling 75 percent of the poverty level - then limited to $1,383 a month for a family of three - according to an analysis by Ms. Albelda.

“We have a work-based safety net without any work,” said Timothy M. Smeeding, director of the Institute for Research on Poverty at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. “People with more education and skills will probably figure something out once the economy picks up. It’s the ones with less education and skills: that’s the new poor.”

Here in Orange County, the expanse of suburbia stretching south from Los Angeles, long-term unemployment reaches even those who once had six-figure salaries. A center of the national mortgage industry, the area prospered in the real estate boom and suffered with the bust.

Until she was laid off two years ago, Janine Booth, 41, brought home roughly $10,000 a month in commissions from her job selling electronics to retailers. A single mother of three, she has been living lately on $2,000 a month in child support and about $450 a week in unemployment insurance - a stream of checks that ran out last week.

For Ms. Booth, work has been a constant since her teenage years, when she cleaned houses under pressure from her mother to earn pocket money. Today, Ms. Booth pays her $1,500 monthly mortgage with help from her mother, who is herself living off savings after being laid off.

“I don’t want to take money from her,” Ms. Booth said. “I just want to find a job.”

Ms. Booth, with a résumé full of well-paid sales jobs, seems the sort of person who would have little difficulty getting work. Yet two years of looking have yielded little but anxiety.

She sends out dozens of résumés a week and rarely hears back. She responds to online ads, only to learn they are seeking operators for telephone sex lines or people willing to send mysterious packages from their homes.

She spends weekdays in a classroom in Anaheim, in a state-financed training program that is supposed to land her a job in medical administration. Even if she does find a job, she will be lucky if it pays $15 an hour.

“What is going to happen?” she asked plaintively. “I worry about my kids. I just don’t want them to think I’m a failure.”

On a recent weekend, she was running errands with her 18-year-old son when they stopped at an A.T.M. and he saw her checking account balance: $50.

“He says, ‘Is that all you have?’ ” she recalled. “ ‘Are we going to be O.K.?’ ”

Yes, she replied - and not only for his benefit.

“I have to keep telling myself it’s going to be O.K.,” she said. “Otherwise, I’d go into a deep depression.”

Last week, she made up fliers advertising her eagerness to clean houses - the same activity that provided her with spending money in high school, and now the only way she sees fit to provide for her kids. She plans to place the fliers on porches in some other neighborhood.

“I don’t want to clean my neighbors’ houses,” she said. “I know I’m going to come out of this. There’s no way I’m going to be homeless and poverty-stricken. But I am scared. I have a lot of sleepless nights.”

For the Eisens, poverty is already here. In the two years Ms. Eisen has been without work, they have exhausted their savings of about $24,000. Their credit card balances have grown to $15,000.

“I don’t know how we’re still indoors,” she said.

Her 1994 Dodge Caravan broke down in January, leaving her to ask for rides to an employment center.

She does not have the money to move to a cheaper apartment.

“You have to have money for first and last month’s rent, and to open utility accounts,” she said.

What she has is personality and presence - two traits that used to seem enough. She narrates her life in a stream of self-deprecating wisecracks, her punch lines tinged with desperation.

“See that,” she said, spotting a man dressed as the Statue of Liberty. Standing on a sidewalk, he waved at passing cars with a sign advertising a tax preparation business. “That will be me next week. Do you think this guy ever thought he’d be doing this?”

And yet, she would gladly do this. She would do nearly anything.

“There are no bad jobs now,” she says. “Any job is a good job.”

She has applied everywhere she can think of - at offices, at gas stations. Nothing.

“I’m being seen as a person who is no longer viable,” she said. “I’m chalking it up to my age and my weight. Blame it on your most prominent insecurity.”

Two Incomes, Then None

Ms. Eisen grew up poor, in Flatbush in Brooklyn. Her father was in maintenance. Her mother worked part time at a company that made window blinds.

She married Jeff when she was 19, and they soon moved to California, where he had grown up. He worked in sales for a chemical company. They rented an apartment in Buena Park, a growing spread of houses filling out former orange groves. She stayed home and took care of their daughter.

“I never asked him how much he earned,” Ms. Eisen said. “I was of the mentality that the husband took care of everything. But we never wanted.”

By the early 1980s, gas and rent strained their finances. So she took a job as a quality assurance clerk at a factory that made aircraft parts. It paid $13.50 an hour and had health insurance.

When the company moved to Mexico in the early 1990s, Ms. Eisen quickly found a job at a travel agency. When online booking killed that business, she got the job at the beauty salon equipment company. It paid $13.25 an hour, with an annual bonus - enough for presents under the Christmas tree.

But six years ago, her husband took a fall at work and then succumbed to various ailments - diabetes, liver disease, high blood pressure - leaving him confined to the couch. Not until 2008 did he secure his disability check.

And now they find themselves in this desert of joblessness, her paycheck replaced by a $702 unemployment check every other week. She received 14 weeks of benefits after she lost her job, and then a seven-week extension.

For most of October through December 2008, she received nothing, as she waited for another extension. The checks came again, then ran out in September 2009. They were restored by an extension right before Christmas.

Their daughter has back problems and is living on disability checks, making the church their ultimate safety net.

“I never thought I’d be in the position where I had to go to a food bank,” Ms. Eisen said. But there she is, standing in the parking lot of the Calvary Chapel church, chatting with a half-dozen women, all waiting to enter the Bread of Life Food Pantry.

When her name is called, she steps into a windowless alcove, where a smiling woman hands her three bags of groceries: carrots, potatoes, bread, cheese and a hunk of frozen meat.

“Haven’t we got a lot to be thankful for?” Ms. Eisen asks.

For one thing, no pinto beans.

“I’ve got 10 bags of pinto beans,” she says. “And I have no clue how to cook a pinto bean.”

Local job listings are just as mysterious. On a bulletin board at the county-financed ProPath Business and Career Services Center, many are written in jargon hinting of accounting or computers.

“Nothing I’m qualified for,” Ms. Eisen says. “When you can’t define what it is, that’s a pretty good indication.”

Her counselor has a couple of possibilities - a cashier at a supermarket and a night desk job at a motel.

“I’ll e-mail them,” Ms. Eisen promises. “I’ll tell them what a shining example of humanity I am.”

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/business/economy/21unemployed.html?sq=... New Poor&st=cse&scp=1&pagewanted=all

Jimmy Carter's "Malaise" Speech

Yogaforlife — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:40:46 -0800

Good evening.

This is a special night for me. Exactly 3 years ago, on July 15, 1976, I accepted the nomination of my party to run for President of the United States. I promised you a President who is not isolated from the people, who feels your pain, and who shares your dreams and who draws his strength and his wisdom from you.

During the past 3 years I've spoken to you on many occasions about national concerns, the energy crisis, reorganizing the Government, our Nation's economy, and issues of war and especially peace. But over those years the subjects of the speeches, the talks, and the press conferences have become increasingly narrow, focused more and more on what the isolated world of Washington thinks is important. Gradually, you've heard more and more about what the Government thinks or what the Government should be doing and less and less about our Nation's hopes, our dreams, and our vision of the future.

Ten days ago I had planned to speak to you again about a very important subject -- energy. For the fifth time I would have described the urgency of the problem and laid out a series of legislative recommendations to the Congress. But as I was preparing to speak, I began to ask myself the same question that I now know has been troubling many of you. Why have we not been able to get together as a nation to resolve our serious energy problem?

It's clear that the true problems of our Nation are much deeper -- deeper than gasoline lines of energy shortages, deeper even than inflation or recession. And I realize more than ever that as President I need your help. So, I decided to reach out and listen to the voices of America.

I invited to Camp David people from almost every segment of our society business and labor, teachers and preachers, Governors, mayors, and private citizens. And then I left Camp David to listen to other Americans, men and women like you. It has been an extraordinary 10 days, and I want to share with you what I've heard. First of all, I got a lot of personal advice. Let me quote a few of the typical comments that I wrote down.

This from a southern Governor: "Mr. President, you are not leading this Nation -- you're just managing the Government."

"You don't see the people enough any more."

"Some of your Cabinet members don't seem loyal. There is not enough discipline among your disciples."

"Don't talk to us about politics or the mechanics of government, but about an understanding of our common good."

"Mr. President, we're in trouble. Talk to us about blood and sweat and tears."

"If you lead, Mr. President, we will follow."

Many people talked about themselves and about the condition of our Nation. This from a young woman in Pennsylvania: "I feel so far from government. I feel like ordinary people are excluded from political power."

And this from a young Chicano: "Some of us have suffered from recession all our lives."

"Some people have wasted energy, but others haven't had anything to waste."

And this from a religious leader: "No material shortage can touch the important things like God's love for us or our love for one another."

And I like this one particularly from a black woman who happens to be the mayor of a small Mississippi town: "The big-shots are not the only ones who are important. Remember, you can't sell anything on Wall Street unless someone digs it up somewhere else first."

This kind of summarized a lot of other statements: "Mr. President, we are confronted with a moral and a spiritual crisis."

Several of our discussions were on energy, and I have a notebook full of comments and advice. I'll read just a few.

"We can't go on consuming 40 percent more energy than we produce. When we import oil we are also importing inflation plus unemployment."

"We've got to use what we have. The Middle East has only 5 percent of the world's energy, but the United States has 24 percent."

And this is one of the most vivid statements: "Our neck is stretched over the fence and OPEC has a knife."

"There will be other cartels and other shortages. American wisdom and courage right now can set a path to follow in the future."

This was a good one: "Be bold, Mr. President. We may make mistakes, but we are ready to experiment."

And this one from a labor leader got to the heart of it: "The real issue is freedom. We must deal with the energy problem on a war footing."

And the last that I'll read: "When we enter the moral equivalent of war, Mr. President, don't issue us BB guns."

These 10 days confirmed my belief in the decency and the strength and the wisdom of the American people, but it also bore out some of my longstanding concerns about our Nation's underlying problems.

I know, of course, being President, that government actions and legislation can be very important. That's why I've worked hard to put my campaign promises into law -- and I have to admit, with just mixed success. But after listening to the American people I have been reminded again that all the legislation in the world can't fix what's wrong with America. So, I want to speak to you first tonight about a subject even more serious than energy or inflation. I want to talk to you right now about a fundamental threat to American democracy.

I do not mean our political and civil liberties. They will endure. And I do not refer to the outward strength of America, a nation that is at peace tonight everywhere in the world, with unmatched economic power and military might.

The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our Nation.

The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.

The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July. It is the idea which founded our Nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else -- public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.

Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next 5 years will be worse than the past 5 years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.

As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.

These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the Presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Water gate.

We remember when the phrase "sound as a dollar" was an expression of absolute dependability, until 10 years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our Nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.

These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed.

Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal Government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our Nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our Government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.

What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.

Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like, and neither do I. What can we do?

First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this Nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.

One of the visitors to Camp David last week put it this way: "We've got to stop crying and start sweating, stop talking and start walking, stop cursing and start praying. The strength we need will not come from the White House, but from every house in America."

We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.

We ourselves and the same Americans who just 10 years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.

We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self-interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.

All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our Nation and ourselves. We can take the first steps down that path as we begin to solve our energy problem.

Energy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this Nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of energy we can win for our Nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny.

In little more than two decades we've gone from a position of energy independence to one in which almost half the oil we use comes from foreign countries, at prices that are going through the roof. Our excessive dependence on OPEC has already taken a tremendous tool on our economy and our people. This is the direct cause of the long lines which have made millions of you spend aggravating hours waiting for gasoline. It's a cause of the increased inflation and unemployment that we now face. This intolerable dependence on foreign oil threatens our economic independence and the very security of our Nation.

The energy crisis is real. It is worldwide. It is a clear and present danger to our Nation. These are facts and we simply must face them.

What I have to say to you now about energy is simple and vitally important.

Point one: I am tonight setting a clear goal for the energy policy of the United States. Beginning this moment, this Nation will never use more foreign oil than we did in 1977 -- never. From now on, every new addition to our demand for energy will be met from our own production and our own conservation. The generation-long growth in our dependence on foreign oil will be stopped dead in its tracks right now and then reversed as we move through the 1980's, for I am tonight setting the further goal of cutting our dependence on foreign oil by one-half by the end of the next decade -- a saving of over 4 1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day.

Point two: To ensure that we meet these targets, I will use my Presidential authority to set import quotas. I'm announcing tonight that for 1979 and 1980, I will forbid the entry into this country of one drop of foreign oil more than these goals allow. These quotas will ensure a reduction in imports even below the ambitious levels we set at the recent Tokyo summit.

Point three: To give us energy security, I am asking for the most massive peacetime commitment of funds and resources in our Nation's history to develop America's own alternative sources of fuel -- from coal, from oil shale, from plant products for gasohol, from unconventional gas, from the Sun.

I propose the creation of an energy security corporation to lead this effort to replace 2 1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day by 1990. The corporation will issue up to $5 billion in energy bonds, and I especially want them to be in small denominations so that average Americans can invest directly in America's energy security.

Just as a similar synthetic rubber corporation helped us win World War II, so will we mobilize American determination and ability to win the energy war. Moreover, I will soon submit legislation to Congress calling for the creation of this Nation's first solar bank, which will help us achieve the crucial goal of 20 percent of our energy coming from solar power by the year 2000.

These efforts will cost money, a lot of money, and that is why Congress must enact the windfall profits tax without delay. It will be money well spent. Unlike the billions of dollars that we ship to foreign countries to pay for foreign oil, these funds will be paid by Americans to Americans. These funds will go to fight, not to increase, inflation and unemployment.

Point four: I'm asking Congress to mandate, to require as a matter of law, that our Nation's utility companies cut their massive use of oil by 50 percent within the next decade and switch to other fuels, especially coal, our most abundant energy source.

Point five: To make absolutely certain that nothing stands in the way of achieving these goals, I will urge Congress to create an energy mobilization board which, like the War Production Board in World War II, will have the responsibility and authority to cut through the redtape, the delays, and the endless roadblocks to completing key energy projects.

We will protect our environment. But when this Nation critically needs a refinery or a pipeline, we will build it.

Point six: I'm proposing a bold conservation program to involve every State, county, and city and every average American in our energy battle. This effort will permit you to build conservation into your homes and your lives at a cost you can afford.

I ask Congress to give me authority for mandatory conservation and for standby gasoline rationing. To further conserve energy, I'm proposing tonight an extra $10 billion over the next decade to strengthen our public transportation systems. And I'm asking you for your good and for your Nation's security to take no unnecessary trips, to use carpools or public transportation whenever you can, to park your car one extra day per week, to obey the speed limit, and to set your thermostats to save fuel. Every act of energy conservation like this is more than just common sense -- I tell you it is an act of patriotism.

Our Nation must be fair to the poorest among us, so we will increase aid to needy Americans to cope with rising energy prices. We often think of conservation only in terms of sacrifice. In fact, it is the most painless and immediate way of rebuilding our Nation's strength. Every gallon of oil each one of us saves is a new form of production. It gives us more freedom, more confidence, that much more control over our own lives.

So, the solution of our energy crisis can also help us to conquer the crisis of the spirit in our country. It can rekindle our sense of unity, our confidence in the future, and give our Nation and all of us individually a new sense of purpose.

You know we can do it. We have the natural resources. We have more oil in our shale alone than several Saudi Arabias. We have more coal than any nation on Earth. We have the world's highest level of technology. We have the most skilled work force, with innovative genius, and I firmly believe that we have the national will to win this war.

I do not promise you that this struggle for freedom will be easy. I do not promise a quick way out of our Nation's problems, when the truth is that the only way out is an all-out effort. What I do promise you is that I will lead our fight, and I will enforce fairness in our struggle, and I will ensure honesty. And above all, I will act.

We can manage the short-term shortages more effectively and we will, but there are no short-term solutions to our long-range problems. There is simply no way to avoid sacrifice.

Twelve hours from now I will speak again in Kansas City, to expand and to explain further our energy program. Just as the search for solutions to our energy shortages has now led us to a new awareness of our Nation's deeper problems, so our willingness to work for those solutions in energy can strengthen us to attack those deeper problems.

I will continue to travel this country, to hear the people of America. You can help me to develop a national agenda for the 1980's. I will listen and I will act. We will act together. These were the promises I made 3 years ago, and I intend to keep them.

Little by little we can and we must rebuild our confidence. We can spend until we empty our treasuries, and we may summon all the wonders of science. But we can succeed only if we tap our greatest resources -- America's people, America's values, and America's confidence.

I have seen the strength of America in the inexhaustible resources of our people. In the days to come, let us renew that strength in the struggle for an energy-secure nation.

In closing, let me say this: I will do my best, but I will not do it alone. Let your voice be heard. Whenever you have a chance, say something good about our country. With God's help and for the sake of our Nation, it is time for us to join hands in America. Let us commit ourselves together to a rebirth of the American spirit. Working together with our common faith we cannot fail.

Thank you and good night.

Source:

http://www.eoearth.org/article/Jimmy_Carter%27s_%22malaise_speech%22

To Ebook or Not to Ebook?

reesiecup — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 06:53:55 -0800

I've always preferred being able to phyiscally hold what I'm reading whether it be articles, books, or journals. With the onset of The Nook and Kindle and various free aps ala iTunes, I downloaded the free Barnes and Noble Ebook out of curiosity. It came loaded with some free classics--Little Women, Pride and Prejudice, etc.
Since none of my friends Ebook (yet), I was wondering what the Sugar Community thought about Ebooks. More convenient? Waste of money or cost effective?

Ebook--it takes reading to a new level

33%

Stick to the real stuff

42%

Undecided

25%

Breaking Dawn

aadusQa — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 06:39:02 -0800

I have this from several sources, and it's definitive. Filming on the back-to-back movies would begin in mid-October, and Summit Entertainment is looking at "high end" directors. Breaking Dawn is the longest in Stephenie Meyer's 4-book series lengthwise and it's the most graphic -- presenting birth, attempted murder, death, and of course vampire bites. Published on August 2, 2008, it has a happy ending for most of the characters. Divided into 3 parts, the 1st and 3rd sections are told from the point of view of Bella (Kristen Stewart), and the second section from the perspective of Jacob (Taylor Lautner). It prominently features all 3 favorite characters including Edward (Robert Pattinson). Summit Entertainment no doubt will save money by making these Twilight Saga movies #4 and #5 back to back. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg (who's written all the Twilight Saga films) is currently adapting Breaking Dawn. Eclipse, the 3rd movie, will be released on June 30th. Meanwhile, Yen Press, the graphic novel imprint of Hachette Book Group, announced last month that it will publish the first volume in the graphic novel adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight on March 16th. Due to the length of the prose novel, the book will be divided into 2 volumes and the release date for the second volume is forthcoming. Containing selected text from Meyer's original novel with illustrations by Korean artist Young Kim, it's a fusion of Asian and Western comic techniques in mostly black-and-white with color interspersed throughout. Novelist Meyer consulted throughout the artistic process and had input on every panel.

I need some relationship advice......

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:12:08 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. There is a 9 year age difference with me being 34 and he being 25. This has never really caused an issue with us.
My issue is more his lack of enthusiasm for this relationship. In two years the first time he bought me a gift was this last year for my birthday. I am NOT materialistic and tell him often a sweet email, text or even better..........letter would be wonderful. I ask for what I want. Don't play games. Yet he does not get it. Nothing last year for Valentine's day or my birthday. In the two years we have been together he has never taken me on a real date.
For my birthday this past year he took me to the food court to eat and didn't even eat at the same place as me so I ended up eating by myself while he stood in line for a half hour for a burrito.
I love him. He is amazing. We have amazing chemistry. I don't want to give up on this relationship but I after two years I am really really craving a night out on the town. Dinner. A movie. ANYTHING! I have even asked him to buy me flowers which he did ONCE. and never again.
It's frustrating because I KNOW he loves me. He tells me all the time. But I am tired of craving some romance and the feeling that our relationship is important to him.
What gets me the most is he tells me he is broke which is why he does nothing for me. But he has money to go to the bar. To spend on other things. But never me.
I am dreading Valentine's Day. I handmade him a coupon book with sexual stuff in it. Posed for some classy but VERY sexy photos for him and got them printed and made into a photo book. Bought something extremely sexy to wear that night (lingerie). Am planning on cooking him a special breakfast in bed and going all out for dinner. I plan to be wearing my lingerie and an apron cooking said meal when he gets home. Also bought him a few inexpensive little treats. I love him. It's not the money spend but the thought that counts.
I am so tired of being an afterthought on his part. Should I move on although other aspects of our relationship are wonderful? Don't say talk to him because I have. And I end up feeling like a nag after because he never acts on the suggestions I tell him. HELP!

Rob's Details Interview

athena4rob — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 08:34:10 -0800

COFFEEIt's the unseasonably cold November of 2008 when I go to New York's Bowery Hotel. There's a young man sitting in the garden, wrapped in about nine black sweaters and wearing a wool hat, smoking cigarettes, sipping a latte the size of his head, and furiously making notes on a script in the bitter cold. I have read about teenage girls lighting themselves on fire in front of his hotel, but at the moment Robert Pattinson is warming his hands on a coffee cup.
Hello, I'm Jenny. I think I'm here so you can check me out."Okay. I'm Rob. Um . . . would you like some fries? With gravy?"
Allen Coulter, the director of Hollywoodland and a creative force behind The Sopranos, has sent me. He was thinking about doing this movie-it wasn't quite there yet, but I should "come meet Rob."
Rob. When he came to the United States, he slept on his agent's sofa and then got a small part in a movie called Harry Potter and the Something of Something, which grossed nearly $900 million worldwide. And then he made another one, called Twilight, which grossed $385 million in theaters and almost another $200 million in U.S. DVD sales. Box-office riches, like so much of the female population of this planet, follow him from continent to continent, nursing a raging crush.
Coulter suggested I do some rewrite work on Remember Me (for the record, there is only one credited writer, Will Fetters), the first American release in which Rob will portray a mortal, nonmagical, carbon-based life form of the earthly realm-Salvador Dalí, whom he played in Little Ashes, surely doesn't qualify. As Rob scribbles away on the script's pages, it's clear he is starting his own revision process.
Rob's face is constantly busy-especially his kaleidoscopic eyes, which are continually rolling and dilating, because he is always thinking. Over the course of that latte, he contemplates Jimi Hendrix, French fries, girls, art, beer, his cousin the philosopher, girls, truth, God, his dog, girls, and whether this week's stalker has followed him from L.A. I don't think he could turn his brain off if he wanted to.
Despite the legion of fans trailing him from hotel to hotel, laying siege to each like the Roman army, he is neither fearful nor cocky-he's hungry, curious, forever reaching intellectually. That may not sound like a big deal, but think of the context: Complete strangers want to f*ck you, shoot you, be you, buy you, sell you, run their fingers through your hair, watch you have sex, hear you pee, eat chips with you, and kidnap you and stuff you in the trunk of their car. And you? You must know more, more, more about exotic tropical diseases.
Rob and I discover we share a mutual fascination with afflictions that maim and disfigure and disgust: He brings up cancrum oris, in which bacteria eat away at your face until you get kind of a window in the side of your head and the entire world sees your teeth; I mention cyclic vomiting syndrome, a condition in which you puke literally all the goddamn time; he delights in lymphatic filariasis, where parasitic worms burrow into your lymph nodes and can make your balls swell to the size of watermelons, forcing you to tote them around in a wheelbarrow.
We come up with a blockbuster hit movie, entitled Candiru Infestation, about a tiny fish that swims up your urethra and into your urinary tract and lodges in your cock with backward-facing umbrella spikes it shoots from its spine.

"f*cking brilliant! It could be like Finding Nemo!" says Rob. "And the little candiru is lost in the balls! Think of the soundtrack!"

BEER NO. 1Fourteen months later we're in London. New Moon, the second movie in the Twilight saga, has set box-office records for largest midnight opening and biggest opening-day gross. Remember Me, Rob's young-man-in-crisis drama, has wrapped. He has 24 hours before he has to start rehearsals for Bel Ami, based on the Guy de Maupassant novel, in which he plays a bed-hopping social climber.
He is waiting to pick me up in the bar of my hotel. He has ordered himself a pint of beer and, remembering my beverage of choice, a Diet Coke for me. He has the lovely manners of the good son of a good mum.
He says he wants to take me to a particular restaurant nearby, "just a little out-of-the-way place." So out of the way, it turns out, that after wandering around nearly all of Covent Garden, we can't find it. He doesn't seem too surprised, really. Of late he's been getting lost a lot in his own hometown. But then it's been a couple of years since he's actually lived here, and London is confusing as hell anyway.
Considering alternatives, we peek into a crowded café full of the young and beautiful, but he recoils. A few minutes later, when we come to a tiny Mexican place, his hackles go up a bit. Hmm. I ask him whether, at this point, he's able to sniff out crazed fans lurking under the tables.
"Yes. Sure. But last time I was here, the guacamole was bad."
Rob has made no sartorial concessions to Britain's ugliest winter weather in 30 years. A button-down, light Carhartt-like jacket, no gloves. He does have a hat, perhaps the same one he wore in New York. I'm swaddled like the Michelin Man and I'm f*cking freezing. He's cheery, unfazed, giggling away. It occurs to me that London seems to afford him a freedom he doesn't have in New York or Los Angeles. And a London night with deserted, snow-piled streets, after an epic storm that paralyzed Heathrow and shut down the Eurostar trains, is like an unbridled romp while going commando.
Without trying, we arrive back where we started, in front of the Covent Garden Hotel. Across the street there's a high-end sex-toy-and-bondage shop called Coco de Mer. I mention that I popped in there earlier (before the National Gallery, thank you), and I tell him about this insane S&M body-harness contraption they have that allows you to dress up like a horse and have a long tail.
"That's so English. I want to do this entire interview wearing it, from an equine point of view," he says, stomping the sidewalk with make-believe hooves. "Seriously. As an experiment in public perceptions. Is the place still open?"
BEER NO. 2We're inside, at a warm corner of the hotel's Brasserie Max, and Rob is having another beer. We're talking about how he copes. "When I was 17 until, I don't know, 20, I had this massive, baseless confidence. This very clear idea of myself and how I would achieve success, which involved making decisions. I saw myself picking up the phone and saying 'Absolutely not' or 'Definitely yes.' Having control. Except you have to figure out whether the way you think at 19 or 20 has any value. And eventually I understood, with all that control, which was probably illusory, I wasn't progressing. So now I'm relinquishing a bit. I'll be a tiny bit naked. Except tonight I won't, because it's f*cking freezing and my balls will shrivel up."

He may keep his balls covered in winter, but Allen Coulter says that during the shooting of Remember Me, Rob did bare himself: "It was about control, for him, in the beginning. But he wanted forward motion more than he wanted to protect himself. Really brave-especially for a young guy with a big target on his back."
Rob does seem eager to shed some clothing, to give up the reins.
"Shall we go see about that harness? Seriously, you eventually realize you can't make every single decision. I was always building, always protecting something. At the same time, I seemed to be losing the ability to move. I'd protected myself into checkmate. Even mentally." In that moment, he has a realization: "I can barely remember the last two years. Not like a haze of partying or anything like that. Just . . . it's been crazy."
There's been surreal stuff. Like the time at a charity event in Cannes when two attendees bid nearly $60,000 combined to have Rob give their daughters a kiss on the cheek. There's been scary stuff, though the idea he might truly be at risk strikes him as absurd: "I find it really funny-if I got shot, I would literally be in hysterics. I would be like, 'Are you serious? Jesus Christ, get Zac Efron! He's got more social relevance than I do.'" He's pretty sure there was some good stuff, too. "There was this one time with some elephants on a golf course in Barcelona . . ."
He drifts into a reverie. He gets amazed easily, and at the moment he's fixated on the mysterious green bar snacks. They're sort of like wasabi peas, but not. They're covered in chili powder and look like tiny tumors. He's eating every single one.
"f*ck, these are good. What are they? I want to snort them-they'd clear up my sinuses."
BEER NO. 3Rob's hunger is more than merely metaphorical. He orders two entrees-the mini beef burgers with tomato-and-onion relish and the mini chicken burgers with mango chutney-along with another pint. "I eat so much, I'm like a compulsive eater. I've been eating room service, and I'm always really worried about it, so I choose like six things on the menu and eat them all."
He doesn't want to miss anything, which implies a hint of regret. He didn't always want to be an actor. He modeled. He's a talented guitarist and keyboard player who has toyed with following his older sister Lizzy into pop music. But he's a serious type, and his most serious aspirations involved political speech writing. "It's fascinating. You'd have two or three minutes to affect someone. Make them hear you. Get the message out and maybe it will echo. I quite enjoyed doing press for the first Twilight, because there was a similarity. But after a bit I was ladling it out. If you want people to listen to you, you'd better have something to say. I felt a responsibility to be fascinating. You're bargaining with the audience. Is this enough for them? And that affects the way you look at art."
Art. It's illogical to think he's not allowed to have ideas about it merely because he has helped a lot of people make a lot of money.
"Before, I felt like I couldn't break through anything, including myself. And now it feels a bit as though I've climbed along the side of my brain and am at least looking in. But I know it will take me at least another 10 years before I'm remotely satisfied with anything I do. But with acting you keep trying in the hopes you might be . . . great. But then I think, does wanting to be good or even great, or even just wanting to make art, cheapen the experience?"

I worry his head is going to explode. He answers questions with questions. Doors open onto more doors. This sometimes leads to trouble with scripts: Since he sees every character's point of view, he often needs some sort of distillation. The catch is that unless the distillation somehow encompasses every character's essence, it only causes his imagination to fire more wildly. It's the kaleidoscope-vision thing.
Some people can have the ocean in front of them and just put their big toe in. Rob wants to swim until he drowns, and he's going to try to drink it all up before he goes under. His striving is a source of worry because he can't really tell anybody he wants more: "Please don't make this about me complaining. Please. I'm the luckiest bastard on the planet." He worries he might be selfish. He worries maybe he's a nonhumanist-separatist-weirdo because his most profound moments have been with his dog. And he worries about whether he can be an actor who can reach the masses and still ask for anything.
"If it exists out there-this invisible-creative-spirit-idea thing-then you're the medium through which it travels so everybody can touch it. But . . . what gives you the right to be the medium? What gives you the right to claim it? And then get an agent and say I want $20 million and a fruit basket to be the medium, thank you very much.
"As an actor, you can elevate the human condition or cheapen it. I would assume it's the same with anything you do-you try to elevate and maybe someday you will." An actor may indeed have the ability to raise us, but Rob unconsciously starts speaking sotto voce each time he utters the word actor or any variation of it.
Rob, did you know that every time you say actor or acting you lower your voice to a whisper?He's genuinely startled. "I do?"Yes, so quietly it's like you're saying Negro.He laughs, lightens up. "What if we were 'acting' like 'Negroes'? Then we'd be f*cked-we couldn't hear anything. . . ."
BEER NO. 4Rob asks the waiter for another beer. He's talking about an uncle who worked in a steel mill in the Yorkshire town his dad grew up in. Rob's father and his other uncles moved away as soon as they were old enough, but the eldest brother stayed there his whole life.
"They're bulldozing houses, whole streets of houses. And my dad asked him, 'Why stay?' He said, 'Who's going to look after our mom?' And I was just thinking, Jesus f*cking Christ, there might be something wrong with my emotional sight, because I'm not sure if I could make that kind of sacrifice. The only emotional connection of relevance is with my dog. My relationship with my dog, it's ridiculous.
"I think you need to be able to break through what you think about yourself to try to make any sort of art. I used to play music all the time, and the most amazing part was the freedom that came with kicking myself in the ass, letting go, and surprising myself."
He tried to let go a little bit with the photo shoot accompanying this interview-it wasn't easy.
"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."

Is your mom going to have something to say about it?"Oh, God." He puts his head in his hands, shrugs. "Well, she quite enjoyed when I got her cable." It's not that Rob's mother now spends all night watching Skinemax in her London home. "No, no! God, no! It's just that there's nakedness all over the place now. But this shoot, it's kind of eighties nakedness, you know? If you look at porn in, like, the eighties, there was something kind of quaint about it, quite sweet-like this little naked community. The people who made it liked it, they had respect for it. Not remotely like the porn that's available now. No community in it at all. It's just everything, everywhere."
CANDYIn the U.K., Smarties are made of chocolate and are kind of like M&M's in weird colors like mauve and teal but somehow more delicious. Rob's not really a dessert guy, yet he's rapidly hoovering my last packet of Smarties. "Amazing. I've eaten like 5,000 of these already. See what you have to deal with?"
In Remember Me he plays a guy whose issues are eerily like his own. Tyler is a young man who has retreated into himself, but then he meets a woman, becomes conflicted, and has to choose whether to remain in lockdown or step into life and the world.
"Tyler is so aware of his actions. But he has no idea whether they're of any value at all. Can you be a person if you live in the bubble? He's stuck in the middle. At the same time, he's lucky to have the choice. Conflict is innate in a lucky person."
What attracted you to the role?"I'm a lucky person. Thank God. And I'm conflicted. Thank God."
He tells me about a book he read called Eat the Rich, by P.J. O'Rourke (full disclosure: P.J. was married briefly to my sister, though Rob had no idea). He was drawn to a part that says something like: One man's wealth does not mean another man's poverty-and vice versa. Rob's slightly embarrassed to voice this idea.
He is unsure whether to feel guilty, to bask in it all, or both. Thing is, there aren't any rules for a life as extraordinary as his is right now. He tells me an elephant story. Not the one about Barcelona elephants-one about some he'd met recently in California.
"Did you know elephants purr? It's completely scary if you don't know what it is. They purr like cats, but their heads are so deep they sound like velociraptors. You feel it in the ground under your feet. So this big female started sniffing my foot-big female elephant, that is. She sniffed it so hard it came up off the pavement like her trunk was a vacuum cleaner. Then she took my entire body in her mouth. I was holding on to her head, and as I slowly let go she tightened her grip really carefully until I'm just upside down in her mouth and she's going through my pockets with her trunk, looking for peppermints. It was the best day of my life."
So you gave up control to an elephant, got groped, mugged, had your candy tugged at-and it was glorious? "Yeah. So beautiful you can't imagine. And the baby elephant was so excited that it sprinted out and did its routine in five seconds and then curtsied to everybody. It was actually laughing. Brilliant. Did you know they can also do imitations of other animals? A horse, a chicken, a monkey-these elephants could, anyway. They were movie elephants. One had written a screenplay, and one really wants to direct."

He laughs. He was in Los Angeles, in discussions to star with Sean Penn in Water for Elephants, an adaptation of Sara Gruen's novel. The elephants are actors like him, and he wonders if he might, on some cosmic level, be a bit like them.
"Do you know how they die? The elephant guy told me their molars get ground down from eating wood but regenerate like six times. And after that they slowly starve to death. Which is poignant, but that must also be what gives them time to get to the elephant graveyard. They're incredibly designed creatures. I mean, people hang on way too f*cking long. If I knew that when my teeth fell out, that was it . . . Wow. The best day of my life. Beautiful, beautiful day."
A few moments later, Rob announces he's going to get a cab home and excuses himself.
Can I walk you? I don't like you going out there all by yourself."I'll be okay."