networking

Being picky on LinkedIn doesn't make you a snob, it's just smart. After all, if you add everyone and their moms to your account, you're diluting the strength and integrity of your connections and network. How can you be a trusted connection if you had no idea your connection Jane Smith is a scam artist? It can be hard navigating the ins and outs of the professional social media network, so you should have a few ground rules for accepting LinkedIn requests.

You should only let a connection add you if she meets one or more of these requirements:

• You've worked or communicated with the person more than a handful of times, and you like her professional attitude and track record.
• You don't mind the connection tapping into your network.
• The person is someone you would feel comfortable reaching out to for networking purposes.
• She is someone you know in real life.
• You want to help her out.
• She is someone you respect and admire.
• Someone you trust has referred her to you.

Don't feel bad if you decline someone's request; it's something that happens often, and you're only hurting yourself if you weaken your network. Adding and accepting a LinkedIn request is a gesture of trust, and it should be made with careful consideration.

It seems like the busier you get, the more coffee invites you receive. Maybe it's an indicator of success, but as you climb up the ladder, you'll find the coffee invites piling up.

A bit disgruntled, you might wonder where all these people were when you were unemployed and looking for a job, but another part of you might feel flattered. You'll also feel a little bit of reluctance to hand off a piece of your precious time to a stranger who probably wants something from you. So how do you fend off this deluge of people who would like to "grab coffee sometime?" Here are a few ways to go about it:

• Another medium: Let the person know that you appreciate their offer, but you are really busy at the moment, and would love to first address what they want to talk about via email. You can also opt for IM-ing online or getting on a call with them. I find that emails are the best medium for me because I work on them whenever I have the time and piece together emails gradually.
• Hand it off: Maybe the person isn't specifically interested in you as much as a person of your experience. If you have a colleague or a friend who enjoys these coffee meet-and-greets and likes imparting knowledge, you could ask them if they'd like to go in your place.
• All together now: Have several people requesting a coffee date? Kill many birds with one stone by bringing them all together for a coffee open house.
• Come on by to an event: If there's an event you're going to where you wouldn't mind the company, invite the contact to come along. A networking event would be ideal, because everyone there would be there for the same reasons as well and maybe the person would find others to talk to, too.

Remember, do unto others as you would have them do to you. It can be hard to practice with your busy schedule, but do your best to try to respond politely to coffee invites, because I'm sure you'd like it if others do the same to you.

Whether you believe in fate or not, sometimes saying a few words to the stranger beside you can put you in touch with just the right people you need to boost your career. The next time you find yourself in one of these five locations, work up the courage to spark a conversation with the person beside you.

• Public transportation can be grimy and crowded, but perhaps the unsavory conditions will instigate a conversation with the person next to you.
• Weddings bring people and extended family together. Your sister's, brother-in-law's, cousin's, or wife's cousin (from the other side of the family) might be the ideal "seventh" degree of separation that you needed to make friends with.
• Restaurant bars are quieter, intimate, and certainly more civil than a Friday night out on the town. While you are waiting for a table, casually converse with the person beside you.
• Long lines at lunch bring the downtown businessmen and women together. Potentially rub elbows with the right person from the right firm.
• Long-distance running and cycling groups are a healthy and active way for you to meet a whole new group of people who share your hobbies but come from different professional backgrounds.

One of the toughest things to do when getting to know people professionally is remembering their names. And it's also an extremely useful skill to have when you're networking. Showing a stranger that you remembered her name can portray you as someone who pays attention and even someone who cares. Here are some tricks to remembering any name:

• Ask for their business card: When you meet someone in a networking situation, ask for their business card. Jot down a few notes about the person and his appearance so you can differentiate him from the other people you've met. You can always refer back to the card if you forget someone's name.
• Repeat it in your mind: After you've met someone, repeat her name in your mind a few times until you feel like you got a hang of the name.
• Write it down: Some people write down people's names in a private place like a bathroom on a scrap of paper or a notebook.
• Ask again: At the end of your conversation, ask the person you're speaking with to repeat his name just to make sure you have it right. Hearing it again will help you memorize it as well.
• Visualize an image: Attach an image to the name. For example, if you meet a Catherine, then try to connect the image of a cat with the woman. That way, when you meet the woman again, the image of a cat will pop up, and it will be easy to work out what her name is.

Remember more names by reading these tricks below.

There are some people who breeze through social gatherings. They seem to sparkle when they're surrounded by people. Then there is the other end of the spectrum — perhaps the introverts — who shy away from social situations. After all, it's hard to converse with people when every word that comes out of your mouth seems cringe-worthy. Unfortunately, being social is part and parcel with life and can even impact your career advancement. If you find yourself tongue-tied around colleagues, brush up on these conversation starters so there won't be any awkward silences:

• The weather. Although it's cliche, the talk of weather can become a lengthy conversation. You can start comparing how the weather was a year prior or a few days ago or even talk about what it's going to be like in the coming days.
• Weekend. The weekend is another great conversation starter because it can lead to many different topics. You can talk about what you did, and that will probably lead to other conversations on your interests or people you spent time with.
• Following up. Do you remember what you last talked to a co-worker about? Bring that up again and ask her about it. Or if you remember a life event she underwent or is looking forward to, such as a wedding or a trip, be sure to ask her about it.
• The holidays. There's always so much to talk about when it comes to the holidays. For the upcoming Halloween holiday, there is the "What are you going to be for Halloween?" question, and for Thanksgiving, there is the typical "Where are you celebrating?" query. You can always talk about what they did after your co-workers come back to work after the holidays as well.
• Comment on outfit. Commenting on someone's outfit can bring about a conversation on where she bought that certain accessory or shirt from. There's not too much that can be extrapolated on from outfit talk, but it's a good start!
• Latest news. Bring up whatever is going on in the news, be it the latest food recall or shocking celebrity breakup. Make sure that you pick a piece of news that's relevant and interesting to the person you're talking to.

What other conversation starters do you use in the office?

Body language is extremely important when it comes to making good first impressions. It's always helpful to know what body cues show you in a positive light, especially during interviews or networking when you're meeting someone for the first time. It can make a difference and even make you more likeable. Keep these tips in mind when you're interacting with another person:

• Smile slowly. If you're too quick to come to a smile or drop one, your expression may not look genuine. Real smiles happen gradually, but remember not to do it too slowly because it can also look creepy. Do your best to mimic a natural smile by practicing in the mirror.
• Speak in a deeper voice. When you're nervous or excited, your voice may come out in a higher pitch. Take a deep breath and lower your pitch, because a deeper voice is considered to have more authority and confidence. In fact, even dogs respond better to deeper voices when you are trying to give them a command.
• Make eye contact. When talking to someone, making eye contact shows interest and also confidence. Don't go overboard and gaze without breaking eye contact, because that can make people feel uncomfortable. Spend the majority of the time making eye contact, but remember to briefly take breaks.

Read on for more body language cues.

If you're attending an event with big shots you want to network with, make sure you do some preparation beforehand so you're not stuck for words. If they are very influential in their industry, everyone will want speak to them, so make good use of time if you manage to get ahold of these gurus. Here are some tips to help you mingle with the VIPs:

• Research. First of all, if you know who is going to be there, do your best to do in-depth research on them. Read their bios, past interviews, and articles they've been featured in.
• Prepare questions. Now that you have a good idea of what the person does and how the person got to where she is today, prepare some good questions that you find unanswered in the material you've read. Make sure your questions reflect your research efforts. Ask thoughtful, insightful questions that will impress them. Write these questions down and memorize the gist of them.
• Pay attention. If you're attending a talk, you might hear new information about them, so you can even adapt your questions to fit the content discussed.
• Approach and conquer. Wait for the right moment to speak to them. There may be a line of people waiting to speak to her, so be patient and wait for your turn.
• Feel it out. Sometimes, it might be natural for you to slip in a "Let's keep in contact. What's the best way to stay in touch with you?" If it feels forced, reconsider it, and maybe even opt to reach out to them casually via Twitter or Google+ (if they are active on these networks) instead.

First rule of networking: always keep in touch! This means reaching out to your contacts on some major holidays and even their birthdays to show your sincerity in wanting to keep in contact. If you're not keeping up with your communications, you may lose your contacts. And if ever you need their help (perhaps for a job lead), it would look bad if you reach out to them only when you need to call in a favor.

It doesn't even have to require much effort. Start by opening an Excel sheet and writing down all the people you need to keep in touch with as well as all of their details. Don't worry about the tediousness of the task, you'll definitely be using the contact sheet over and over again in the future. Then, all you need to do is craft a generic Happy New Year greeting, and tweak it slightly to personalize it for each recipient. Choose whatever delivery method suits you best — ecards, traditional handwritten cards or emails. No matter how you want to convey your message, your effort will be noted. Remember, New Year greetings are small acts of courtesy that really go a long way!

While you're busy scouring job websites online, did you know that the majority of job listings won't pop up in your search? 80 percent of available job positions aren't listed, according to the founder of CollegeRecruiter.com, Steven Rothberg. This brings us back to the importance of networking. Diligently looking for jobs online is helpful, but using your network of friends, family, and work buddies will help you see results faster. Here's a quick guide of tips to getting that job you didn't know existed:

• Informational Meetings: Yes, these informational meetings do actually work. A friend of mine was having trouble finding a job straight out from college, but he started calling around and requested informational meetings with companies who weren't hiring. The result? One company liked him so much, they created a job position for him.
• Make It Known: Tell everyone and your mother that you're looking for a job. Send job blasts out to Facebook, Twitter, emails or just mull about prospects with friends and acquaintances. Sooner or later you'll hear something like, "Hey, I think I might know someone who you can talk to." I remember talking to stranger at a cafe who kindly passed on job leads to me, so take my word for it, you never know who will help you. But remember, don't be pushy. There is a thin line between being aggressive and proactively pursuing a job.
• Go For Coffee: You need to start relationships with people. If you think someone can help you either by giving advice or by passing on your resume to HR, go spend some time with them. Cold calling or cold emailing them doesn't usually work unless you already have good relationship with them. Even if they can't get you an interview with their company, getting advice from someone in the industry is always valuable. And who knows? Maybe you'll be the first to know of any future job openings at her firm or she might refer you to someone who is hiring. Like I mentioned before, don't push too hard. There's nothing worse than making your contact feel like she's being used.
• It's About the Email: I have a friend who's extremely talented at crafting emails, and those emails have gotten her some of the biggest clients in her industry. Wording is really important, and it's very easy to misconstrue something over email — you may sound too aggressive even if you don't mean it. Have friends or professionals look over your emails and give you constructive feedback. What I find really helpful is reading samples of emails my friend sends, so trying asking for some samples from your networking diva friend.

For more tips, read after the jump.