All
  • All
  • Products
  • Articles
  • Videos
  • Galleries
  • Conversations
  • Social

Your Two Cents: Are Cash Bars at Weddings Tacky?

by 220

Weddings are often boozy affairs, but should the bride and groom be on the hook for the big bar bill?

Source

MoneyWeddingPollSavvy PollYour Two Cents

220 Comments

Massie47 Massie47
OOOOOOOOOOOOOK! Let me tell you the truth. If you have a problem with a cash bar, then you would be doing EVERYONE a favor by just not coming. Maybe some of you had an open bar wedding and had more flexibility then others. However, you get free food, you get free cokes, you get free cake, you have a band or DJ, you might meet some hot chick and score later! It's costing the Bride,Groom, and their family an arm and a leg already.   Im a bartender, I know what happens when alcohol is free. People get carried away, order things they wouldn't normally drink, order alot more then they would normally drink. It's not uncommon for a bill to go up to 3,000-5,000 dollars for a few hours of free alcohol.   Im getting married and this has been a fight. My future mother in law booked a place that has far too many restrictions. Had she booked a place where we could bring our own. I could have got a bartender, bought the alcohol myself for 500 bucks and everyone could have drunk as much as they want. No problems.   However, this place charges normal price's. 3 dollars domestic, 4 dollar wells. Throw in 130-150 people. Alot of which DRINK ALOT! Then Im not sure I have enough in Credit Card's to pay for it.   Im the GUY getting married. I HAVE NO CHOICE IN VENUES! I really have no say in ANYTHING! I just have to pay for ALOT of stuff. Not all, just alot. My fiance is paying for alot. Her parents are paying for alot, my parents are paying for alot.   We are providing a cocktail hour of Beer, Wine, and a signature cocktail for FREE. Then a set amount, once it's capped. It's cash bar.   Now let me throw some numbers your way.   We each make about 40,000 to 45,000 a year. The engagement ring was about 4,000 The venue is 750 The flowers are 1400 The dress was 600 My fiance bought her Bridesmaids dresses about 500 About 3000 in food A cake at about 200 Decorations about 500 19 percent labor fee and 6 percent tax and EVERYTHING at the venue. For every 4000 spent, add another 1000 at the venue. Tux rentals over 500 Our cocktail hour where it will be free Beer and Wine about 1000 Justice of the peace 150 DJ 650 only cause my fiance is a friend Photographer 500 only because Im a friend. Mothers, fathers, all buying dresses and suits. Wedding bands..More money Honeymoom over 3000 And many many more charges, rentals, ect ect ect.   If any guest thinks WERE TACKY cause they get free food, free beer and wine for an hour, A DJ, good friends. good times. And then once it's capped have to pay 3 dollars for a Bud Light. And they act as if they are insulted and we are CHEAP! Then can go straight to hell. I don't want them there. They are obviously not my true friends. And if they are related to me and still complain. I remember having to pay at their cash bar at their wedding. I didnt mind at all!  I have no problem if they don't wanna come. And if they complain to me during the wedding, I have no problem kicking them out the door.   I realize this is the INTERNET. SO alot of people complaining probably wouldnt talk this way in person. And some of you may have grown up in different area's, higher incomes, ect. But TOO BAD!   If you're intention of the wedding is to get free drinks. You don't belong there. Out of respect for whichever wedding you're going to. You need to understand they have already spent ALOT of money for you. If it's a problem, again I say DONT COME!   Im happy to pay for a party to a certain extent, happy to pay for some of the alcohol. But everyone has a budget. And Im not gonna take food away, get rid of the cake, buy cheaper flowers, ect just so you can get drunk for free.   Also there is no shame in having a cash bar the WHOLE TIME. So anyone reading some of these comments and thinking "Oh my god we need a cash bar now, it's tacky." NO ITS NOT!   Thousands upon Thousands of dollars go into a wedding. Paying for a few disrespectful people who might be 'offended" by cash bars alcohol. Toss them aside, they are not your true friends. You don't need them at your wedding.   We live in a society where some people feel someone else should PAY for their "Stuff". You're already spending an arm and a leg. They can go elsewhere with their complaints.   If you have the budget to do an open bar, Great. if I did I would. But I don't. And alot of you don't as well. And maybe a couple guests have a problem with it. They may think "Im bringing a gift, I shouldn't pay". Well alot of those people who complain don't even bring gifts.   My fiance had a co worker trying to get other co workers to chip in 5 dollars for a gift. Two of them said no, then turned around and talked about how they were gonna get drunk at the wedding. Needless to say they are uninvited. We have no problem doing that again. It doesn't matter if you bring a gift or not. But people with those kinds of intentions obviously don't care about you.   Weddings are a celebration of LOVE, not a drunk fest for losers who can't afford a 3 dollar beer!    
lilkimbo lilkimbo
Anon, perhaps you should "grow up" and read the commenting policy of this site, which expressly prohibits personal attacks. Also, I'd love for you to point out where I said I need alcohol to have fun. It's really none of your business, but I'm sure you'd be surprised to learn that I very rarely drink (maybe once every other month). And, when I do, it's 1-2 glasses of wine. Of course on this thread I "care more about the alcohol part;" that's what this thread is specifically about! No, it's not going to kill me to have to buy my own alcohol (and, as I've already stated, I often go without it for many nights!). It's also not going to kill the bride and groom to provide drinks. Be a gracious host and grow up. Perhaps it says a lot about you if you feel you need to come on here, rudely comment on a thread from ages ago, and make assumptions that are simply untrue... You have to love anonymous comments, they always make me laugh! :rotfl:
Lilkimbo you talk about the day being for celebrating, but you seem to care more about the alcohol part. It's just booze, it's not going to kill you to have to pay for your own alcohol or go without for one night. Booze is not a necessity, especially at a wedding. Be a gracious guest and grow up. Perhaps it says a lot about you if you feel you need free booze to have fun at an event...
lilkimbo lilkimbo
I never said it was a deal-breaker that would make me not attend, just that I think it's tacky. Also, interesting how you brought it back to weddings when I clearly specified that I was dealing with #154's comments regarding other BYOB events.
And if you don't want to come to said party for, oh, I don't know, the free food, music, company, celebrating and congratulating your friends on their marriage, then don't. (:
lilkimbo lilkimbo
Actually, I think it's super-tacky to have BYOB parties (perhaps even more so than having a cash bar at a wedding). This doesn't apply to weddings, but in the case of parties with BYOB, if you don't want to be paying for others' alcohol, don't have a party!
This issue actually frustrates me beyond belief. Do people know how expensive an open bar is? For 100 guests you're looking at around $3000-4000. That's like the majority of a wedding budget! I personally like the idea of having free bottles of wine and enough champagne for a toast, but after that, guests pay for their own booze. How is it 'tacky'? Was it tacky when you had a house party but added BYOB? NO. It was a money issue, and a respect issue. You don't buy someone's alcohol, it's too pricey, especially when throwing an event such as this. Sure, if I was rich enough, I'd totally spend the money for the open bar, but truth is, in this economy, hardly anyone can affor to chell out 3 grand just to get their guests liquored up and end up wasting a whole bunch of alcohol anyway. A dry wedding? No. The option to drink is there for those who choose to buy, there is nothing tacky about that. No one is expecting them to pay. They can get water and non alcoholic drinks for free with dinner, that's fine too. Honestly, it's the same concept of BYOB, it's not rude. Guests who say a cash bar is tacky, that's rude, and I wouldn't want at the wedding anyway. If they don't want to pay to get drunk, then they don't have to get drunk: it's as simple as that. A wedding day is the ONE DAY the bride and groom can have celebrating their new life together, and people should respect that, not demand 3-4 grand from their pockets to get them buzzed or it's 'tacky' and 'selfish'. I'd also be willing to bet that the people saying it's tacky haven't had a wedding, haven't had to deal with this issue, and are complaining cause they can't afford to shell out the 6 dollars for a drink, right? Okay, when you get married, and I get the invitation that says 'cash bar' on it, I hope you'll all realize that shelling out that much money is really difficult for ALL people, not just your selfish or tacky friends, but for you too.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit
Smacks & Spectra have good solutions! I agree with them. Provide a few basics & if anyone wants something else then have premiere services available. I just detest the thought of inviting all those guests & then CHARGING them to celebrate your happy day. Seems kind of prudish. I'm always up for intelligent respectful debate & compromise.
from what i've read back and forth, i've come to the conclusion that not having an open bar and having a cash bar is not tacky as long as you provide the toast/beer/wine. i'm from cincinnati ohio, a very conservative state and city, but i'm not one to worry about alcohol etiquette. i do believe that my wedding day is about me, as the rest of my life has and will revolve around everyone else, so why not have ONE day about me? (and the honeymoon of course:) ) i don't want my guests to take advantage of an open bar, which knowing my friends, they will. i don't want people driving home drunk and i want them to remember my wedding. i'll be providing food, music and SOME alcohol (maybe drink tickets) and if i were a guest, i would find that totally acceptable.
It's extremely tacky (and rude) to ask guest to pay for anything at your wedding. I understand cost is an issue- my husband and I paid for our wedding and had to make compromises. Do beer and wine, do an afternoon wedding, do no alcohol- none of those options are tacky and they will save lots of money.
Wow... I am a little on the fence here but many of these comments is what makes me want to not even have the whole reception and the hoopla. I would be happy just having a ceremony with a very few select people and having a little party after. To me the wedding isn't about having a big party it is about two people who are in love celebrating their new life together. My fiance and I don't have a ton of money and just the basics (a decent dress, the location, the food) adds up FAST. It is just that it feels like people are making the wedding about everyone else. I wouldn't care if someone didn't get us a gift either. My best friend is having her family pay for her wedding in the Bahamas. So in that case I would think after I paid for air fare and a hotel it should NOT be a cash bar. That would be tacky. But with us, we are both in school and working full time and money is not freely available to us. It seems like one needs to be rich to get married now. Two weddings I have been to have had cash bars and a BYOB if you wanted. Tacky and redneck? Yes, it certainly is. But people didn't fly in from all over and they weren't expected to buy gifts. It is about celebrating and the whole thing just seems so material to me. And before I get jumped on, I have a drive a very nice car, we have a very nice apartment, but after all the bills it is tight and it will be until we graduate and get situated. Does that mean we have to wait until we are in our 30's to have a wedding? Sorry for the tirade everyone but it just seems crazy. If someone can afford a nice wedding, yes it seems tacky to have a cash bar. But for people that aren't having the whole fancy blowout I don't think it is tacky.
"No one is trying to change your mind." #112 Wow! Lil Kimbo, you sure changed my mind. :P At first I thought that theres nothing wrong with a cash bar... (even though at my wedding, I will most likely have full open..) but my mind has def. changed. The reception, in my opinion, is about the guests AND the couple celebrating TOGETHER it as one. You got to make both sides happy. If you're tight on money, of course it's not tacky to have a cash bar, but if you have the opportunity to (even the slightest) have free alcohol so your guests can enjoy yourself (it is not a necessity, but it is a luxury, just like a dance floor or a good meal), you definitely should.
dikke kus dikke kus
This is pushing some buttons. I am laughing so hard right now reading all the comments. OK look. I have been to many weddings. None, absolutely none were a cash bar. I've been to beer and wine only, all the way up to everything you want. However when it runs out that's it. No more. Most people have a small budget to give you some drinks for a while. At my wedding if we had charged for beer there would have been an uprising! Would we expect our guests to reach even deeper into their pockets? Nope. No way would a savvy European wedding in Holland be charging for beer. Besides I never wanted to look back and know people remembered us as cheap. No way. So I found a way to cough up the change. It wasn't that much anyway. I think the tab was $700 for about 70 people for four hours.
Old rules are "OUT". Cash bars are in - it's seen as economical and financially smart in this economy!
I don't see why there's an arguement here. Cash bars and open bars are both unnecessary expenses, and I'll tell you why: at my wedding, we had champagne for the toast, wine for the dinner, and AFTER the reception we invited those guests who wanted to accompany us to one of the local bars, where we had reserved a large table. In that way, those who wanted to drink could, and those who didn't didn't have to. And it didn't cost us a fortune to accomodate those who wanted hard liquor or mixed drinks. But I'm just a poor girl who doesn't understand why you have to spend a fortune to celebrate a wedding and show folks a good time.
POPSUGAR Beauty POPSUGAR Beauty
I don't think it's tacky, but then again, I think weddings are so over-the-top expensive, and unnecessarily so. I see a lot of friends feel embarrassed that they can't afford a pricey wedding, and so they go into debt to pay for open bars and the like... and then they start out their marriage in debt. Not a good way to begin your life together. I think a good compromise is having beer/wine (or maybe just certain kinds of cocktails, like a themed one) available for guests. If they want hard liquor, then they can pay for it themselves. If I ever get married, that's what I would do. But as I said, I don't love extravagant weddings, so my reception would probably be a low-key and inexpensive affair in the first place.
danakscully64 danakscully64
" I didn't make you get married! I didn't make you have a reception. "*face palm* My theory, like it's been said before... if the guests are provided free non-alcoholic drinks, then a cash bar shouldn't be an issue (and no, it's not TACKY in all locations, despite your opinion). If they are upset or snooty about it, then they're at the wedding for the wrong reason. Alcohol is not necessary. There really isn't anything else to debate.
danakscully64 danakscully64
" I didn't make you get married! I didn't make you have a reception. " *face palm* My theory, like it's been said before... if the guests are provided free non-alcoholic drinks, then a cash bar shouldn't be an issue (and no, it's not TACKY in all locations, despite your opinion). If they are upset or snooty about it, then they're at the wedding for the wrong reason. Alcohol is not necessary. There really isn't anything else to debate.
mrsld mrsld
Cluedup- Are you kidding? It's too much to expect the happy couple to pay... Dana- Same thing.If you are hosting a wedding then you are too provide your guest with everything for the celebration. If you do not want to pay for alcohol then have a dry wedding. But a cash bar is just plain TACKY. I don't care what part of the country you come from. If your budget is $5000, then throw a party fitting your budget. If that means BBQ and not Filet Mignon then so be it. If you want Filet Mignon and you only have $5000 then you will need to have a VERY short guest list. You are EXPECTED to pay for all the drinks and the food and entertainment because YOU are the one throwing the party. I didn't make you get married! I didn't make you have a reception. And for the person who said anyone who thinks it's tacky hasn't paid for a wedding. You are wrong. I did pay for my wedding. I wanted it at a very fancy restaurant, so I had a very small guest list to meet my budget constraints. I live in NJ (read: very expensive) and could not afford to host hundreds of people and provide everything that was necessary. So I had a party I could afford that made everyone happy.Sorry If I am ranting, but really people learn to live within a budget. That's how the country got into this financial mess in the first place.
mrsld mrsld
Cluedup- Are you kidding? It's too much to expect the happy couple to pay... Dana- Same thing. If you are hosting a wedding then you are too provide your guest with everything for the celebration. If you do not want to pay for alcohol then have a dry wedding. But a cash bar is just plain TACKY. I don't care what part of the country you come from. If your budget is $5000, then throw a party fitting your budget. If that means BBQ and not Filet Mignon then so be it. If you want Filet Mignon and you only have $5000 then you will need to have a VERY short guest list. You are EXPECTED to pay for all the drinks and the food and entertainment because YOU are the one throwing the party. I didn't make you get married! I didn't make you have a reception. And for the person who said anyone who thinks it's tacky hasn't paid for a wedding. You are wrong. I did pay for my wedding. I wanted it at a very fancy restaurant, so I had a very small guest list to meet my budget constraints. I live in NJ (read: very expensive) and could not afford to host hundreds of people and provide everything that was necessary. So I had a party I could afford that made everyone happy. Sorry If I am ranting, but really people learn to live within a budget. That's how the country got into this financial mess in the first place.
I feel that it is too much to expect the happy couple to pay for the venue, dinner for 100+ people, wine and champagne with the dinner and the evening entertainment AND then to pay for people to drink alcohol in the evening! Also, having worked in many hotels over the years, I know that the bar staff (encouraged by their managers) would take advantage of the open bar situation by ringing into the till a 'double' or a 'large' drink when the person only ordered a single. They make more revenue this way and there's no way to prove or disprove that this amount of alcohol was ordered. I am getting married in December and will therefore be having a cash bar!
I don't think cash bars are tacky at all. I also think that it is a regional thing. I have been to weddings all over the country and have found that in New England, for instance, a cash bar would be tres tacky. However, in Texas (where I'm from), cash bars are the norm. Of course, we also tend to BYOB when we have backyard bbq's and such as well. We don't expect the host to provide our alcohol. Food and entertainment, yes, alcohol, no. Brides and grooms are required to provide refreshments and basics such as water, tea, and coffee, but no more. Personally, I'm having a reception in December that should be a blast, and we are providing the above mentioned drinks and beer. Period. If they want the hard stuff, they gotta' pay for it. Sorry.
omilawd omilawd
I like the idea of the bride and groom paying for beer and wine. Anything else, the guests can pay for.
ladybirda ladybirda
I'm from the South, where cash bars are common, but I still think they're tacky. Much better to provide what you can, even if it's just wine and beer. I know a young couple who bought a few cases of wine wholesale for their wedding, and it worked out great. At our venue, an open bar is the only option, which is expensive but I'm happy to skimp on flowers and invitations for it. I won't be inviting anyone with a drinking problem, however, as I think that would be irresponsible.
danakscully64 danakscully64
Holy cow, that's a lot of money to donate! That's nice if you can afford it. :)
What's Your Least Favorite Part of Job Searching?
What's the Worst Part About Job Searching?
Where Would You Put $10,000 to Work?
Where Would You Put $10,000 to Work?