What Do You Think of This Wedding Fund-Raising Tradition?

I don't understand why people would think it's tacky for a community to get together and raise funds for a wedding.

I don't find it tacky. Its basically the same thing as getting money for a wedding gift in my eyes.

Ha! I LIVE HERE! But seriously, it's a little bit tacky and I think most couples don't earn nearly as much as they expect because the overhead costs are high. And since it's a "rite of passage" you'll find a social in every community centre every weekend, there are so many that the market is a saturated.

The best way to make money tends to be to invite a bunch of underage high school kids who will get adults to buy them a ridiculous amount of drinks. It's illegal, but it's probably the only venue that teens don't get in trouble for being drunk at and the money is in the liquor.

It is tacky but if your friends or family encourage you to do it you may end up getting free money.

i didnt know it was just a canadian thing. i wont say manitoba because i dont live there and we have them where i live too.. but its not just family and friends its like. anyone who wants to go. people looove them. not tacky at all its like, necessary here. ha

I don't know, receiving cash as a gift is one thing - it means the giver wanted to gift you cash. A party like this seems more like asking for money. I can't help but think of the spectacle Starr Jones made out of getting sponsors for her wedding. It just seems a bit rude to me to ask people to fund an event you want to host. Does that mean that they have to fork over cash at the party, and then buy a wedding present too?

Interesting, I wonder how much they actually pocket and how much they spend on the wedding.

I'm in the midst of planning my Stag and Doe right now. I'm from London, Ontario and had no idea Stag and Does were exclusively Canadian...lol. We were encouraged by family and friends to have one, and actually have people asking on a regular basis when it's planned for. It's a great night of games, drinking and prizes and I don't think anyone minds splurging a little to have some fun. Plus we're not having any bridal showers or anything...this is it.

to me its not any different then the money dance, or the the pay for shots (when its open bar), or the pay for a kiss.

Why should a community come together to pay for someone else's wedding? If someone can't afford the wedding they want, they should either wait and save up the cash or plan a less expensive wedding. This idea lacks class and common sense.

No Way i would never do this it like no one can come to your bash unless they forked over cash HOW embarrassing who ever has done this.

I guess if it's a custom, then your guests will understand it & expect it. However, I think if anyone tried it in the States it might be frowned upon. I couldn't do it, but I also don't like the idea of wedding gifts either. I just want people to come party with me at my wedding, not give me money or gifts.

No one is forced to go to these socials.

I've been to my fair share, and I think if you're willing to throw one, and people are willing to come, then there's nothing wrong with it.

I dont think it lacks class or common sense if it is a tradition that the community has. Some cultures have a money dance others don't give gifts but give a envelope w/ cash. Its also not like they are asking for money for nothing they are have a fundraiser. In other cultures a wedding is a very big deal for the community and everyone gets involved. I find that it is mostly here in the states that a wedding is a more me thing than a we (the couple,family and community) thing. Just my 2 cents.

I don't anyone has the right to call something tacky that is performed in a community. To transport this to the middle of NYC would indeed be quite criticized because it is not the norm. But who are we to criticize something that an ENTIRE community does? The people who are invited are used to them, so they are probably not offended by the invitation, and there is no reason to call it tacky.
That said, I would never do it, but that's because I don't live somewhere where it is done -- so my guests probably WOULD be offended!

WOW...I would never wh*re myself out like that!

yeah..sure..lets get married on someone elses money..so when we divorce 5 years later, it wouldn't of cost us a thing. not the best idea someone ever came up with. TACKY

Isn't this similar to a Jack and Jill party?? I don't think it's a bad idea, especially because guests typically look forward to the party! Jack and Jill's around here are usually less formal, have prizes to give out, open bar, and are a lot of fun. Plus, it gives people who might not be invited to the wedding or want to go to the wedding (especially if it's small) an opportunity to contribute and celebrate with the couple (ie my parents going to my friend's Jack and Jill, but not going to the wedding).

BTW, I'm in Mass, and a Jack and Jill is pretty common around here.

Yeah, I guess it's so common around here that I never really thought that I was tacky or wh*ring myself out. I mean, the majority of the friends that will be there have also had Stag and Does that I have attended and spent money at and not been insulted about doing so. I guess we're just a really tacky community and don't realize it.

This sounds really awkward. People can't get in unless there is an entrance fee? So is there like a bouncer at the front? I don't know, getting money as a gift and asking for money are completely different things and I would not ask anyone to pay for my wedding, but thats just me. Anyway, why not just charge an entrance to get into a wedding? And have a pay bar? they seem about equal, all seem cheap and needy but then again if its Canadian tradition I guess its accepted there sort of like expecting bridesmaids to bring three different presents.

to each his own
but i would be mortified asking someone else to pay for my wedding
if we cant afford it we wont have it
seems like charity to me
gasp

so I live in Alberta but most of my family is from manitoba so I know a little bit about this. Most people in the community are more than happy to attend a social in support of the couple, it's a great excuse to go out and have fun. it's not like they're knocking on your door with a donation box, you go to the social if you want and help them out. if you don't agree with it then you just don't attend and if you're okay with it then you go have a good time with your friends.

That is like the most UNromantic thing ever!! How stupid.

if it's the way thing are always done in that country i don't have a problem with it. reminds me of the "money dance" that some people do. i can't remember which culture it is, but i've been to wedding in the past and the participants look forward to dancing with either the bride or groom and (i think) pinning money to them.

still think that if you get divorced before a couple of years of marriage you should have to give the money back, lol.

I think it's actually a good idea. Most people like to get together and spend money at a bar...why not get together and have that money go for a good cause? It seems like you could really get to know people in your community a lot better too. What I think is tacky is going into debt so that you can have a wedding that costs as much as a large downpayment on a house.

Maybe if people didn't go to so many of these parties then they could save up for their own weddings...

I don't think it can be "tacky" exactly, since our Canadian posters have commented on how common and accepted they are, I just don't know how much sense it makes to throw a party to make money in order to throw a party. Just because something doesn't make sense to me doesn't necessarily make it tacky though!! It sounds just like any other wedding tradition that baffles me!

I think it is stupid. A lot of them are called "Stag n' Does" around where I live. People ask for far too much money, too often.

Traditions interest me. This one is different -- I'd never heard of it.

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this, but then I live in a small town in upstate New York. This practice is not common in our community (yet). (Plus, I don't drink. Big social drinking parties never captivate my interest.)

I live in Canada as well (not in Manitoba though). And as RobinSparkle said, in my area they do Jack and Jill's a bit.
I'm on two minds regarding the tackiness of it. Yes, I agree with the side that feels that you shouldn't be asking others to pony up $$$ for YOUR wedding. It is a little embarrassing.
HOWEVER, as half of a young couple who are currently engaged and cannot afford to get married, it would be quite a blessing. Better than any china set or spaghetti strainer. I have spent so many nights crying over wanting to get married but can't...and cant save for it either because bills call my name as it is. So in the situation, yeah, this kind of event would be a godsend. But I don't know if I could swallow my pride to do it.

a Stag is more for the fun of it than to raise money, i think
i mean, i go there to party, have a good time, see people you haven't seen in a long time and talk about how fun the wedding is going to be...i mean, you pay money for a ticket but its no different than cover charge at a bar....and i'm happy if the couple can earn some money doing it, but i think it's more for the social aspect and as part of the wedding planning rituals that make weddings so fun

For the person who commented on how if people stopped going to these things they might have more money to throw a wedding. You may have a point, but I think alot of people in these communities kind of look at it as an investment into their wedding when they go. I mean think about it. Instead of going into debt to pay for the wedding you as the families and couples who are around you to come to this party and pretty much pay back what you've already invested. It's more like a long term plan rather than a short term.

that sounds really tacky, but it's no different that asking for things that you want for your house and life together for wedding gifts - that's why I like Mexican tradition - no wedding gifts, no bridal shower gifts, no bachelor/bachelorette gifts - it's your choice to get married, no one else should have to pay for your decision - that's why I hate so much that people make their bridesmaids & groomsmen pay for their dresses and tuxes...