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Dear Savvy,
A close friend of mine lives out of town and wasn't able to make it to my bridal shower, but she sent a gift. A while back after my engagement party, she made a comment that still doesn't sit well with me — she said I didn't have enough nice things on my registry. I feel very secure with what I've chosen so I ignored her, but when I opened my shower gift, I was completely taken aback — she gave me an accent pillow with an embroidered comment about sports that felt like a gag gift! To set the record straight, money is no object for this friend, and after her rude remarks and uncharacteristic behavior over the past few months, I can't help but feel slighted that she spent less than $20 on something so thoughtless! Am I overreacting?
Disgruntled Bride-to-Be
To see the Savvy Bride's advice, read more.
The Savvy Bride says:
Well, under the circumstances, I don't blame you for feeling a little disappointed about her gift. Her comments about your registry were no doubt inappropriate, and she's certainly made herself heard by choosing to shop off the registry, so perhaps she was trying to take the gag gift approach? Unfortunately, in a situation like this, it's best if you keep your feelings to yourself (at least for now). Your frustration could come off the wrong way and from my viewpoint, it sounds like you're more upset about her lack of respect for your wedding day than you are about the amount of money spent.
One thing I've learned from being engaged and planning a wedding is some people show their true colors during this time. If she's not willing to support you, perhaps you should just take a step back and wait for the dust to settle until after you say I do. In the meantime, let's just hope she redeems herself with a nice wedding gift — something on your registry this time!
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Religion
Early 20
Jerome Dreyfuss
I'm so confused by her behavior! Wow, she sounds pretty brutal in many ways - first, she shouldn't have made that comment about your registry, but two, it seems weird that she would say you didn't have ENOUGH nice things on there, but then not buy you something she would find NICER in lieu.
Obviously you can't say anything about it, but I wouldn't be all about giving her expensive gifts for any of her upcoming occasions.
1I bet she got that gift for you to further make the implication that you don't have nice things on there, as if there wasn't anything better to choose from. It's her way of sticking it to you, so the question really is, why does she dislike you? Could be envy or something else...
2It's possible that for her, money IS actually an issue. We do not always know the financial status of others, particularly when they're circumstances they're proud of or care to make public.
3Edit: I meant to type "circumstances they're NOT proud of"
4EDIT: Sorry, meant to type "NOT proud of"
5Before jumping to conclusions, I'd wait to see what she does for your wedding gift. It could be she's planning on doing something really nice (and generous) for the big day, so is doing smaller gifts leading up. Maybe that's not what she's doing, but I'd rather give her the benefit of the doubt for now than feel guilty later that I assumed the worst (that's she's jealous or a bad friend).
6I agree with Anon #6. I'd wait for the wedding gift too.
7Since when is it OK to complain about a gift? She wasn't able to come, yet she took the time to send you something. Write a thank you and forget about it. I would also like to know if the sentiment on the pillow was something that might actually apply to you or your husband? Was it a joke for the wedding bed? Are you being blinded by the fact that it wasn't expensive? I was under the impression that shower gifts were supposed to be inexpensive. And why was an out of town girl invited any way? Is she perhaps hurt because she isn't in the wedding? Maybe the registry comment was because she wanted you to get a lot of nice things. I think you need to look at all the factors here and not just price tags before you judge her. If I was judging you based just on that letter, my conclusion would be that you are just another greedy bridezilla. Now that wouldn't be fair, would it?
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