Male Colleagues Confusing Niceness with Flirtation

Are Your Male Colleagues Confused?

January 15, 2008

by POPSUGAR Smart Living 17

Do your male co-workers ever confuse your genuine niceness for flirtation?

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17 Comments

AbbyHintz 5 years 18 weeks

Like some others, I follow the "courteous but not friendly" strategy. I work in a male-dominated field.

Meggz 5 years 18 weeks

I'd have to agree that it's ALWAYS the females who accuse other females of being flirts. I've never had a male mistake my friendship for flirtation, but I've had a female accuse me of flirting. Women are so hard on other women.

sugarbecky 5 years 18 weeks

At my old job, several guys mistook my niceness for flirtation, but they were all younger 20's, and at my current job, I only really work with older guys, so I think it might be all in how they want to read the vibes. I treat everyone the same, so there was no flirtation on my part.

LikeThoseShoes 5 years 18 weeks

Mintie: I know exactly what you mean. My male co-workers dont necessarily take my niceness as flirtation. the women in the office are the ones that like to try and make something out of nothing. Its so bothersome especially if they happen to suggest flirtation is going on between myself and a married co-worker. Its almost disgusting. But as far as the men go, no I've never had a problem.

wackdoodle 5 years 18 weeks

No they are not confused. First off I am not 'nice' to them, I am courtesy but seriously disinterested. I took this job for the money and to see the city not to meet my fellow co-workers. I work in a male dominated civil service job (SF Muni - bus driver). We work independently of each other. Those that do not know me and know that I come to work to work not socialize and attempt flirt with me when they see me and behave inappropriately, I shut them down cold. I remind them first that I always carry a digital recorder with me, two-I remind them of the city codes regarding work place harassment and of the TWU union rules regarding workplace harassment and finally that I have taken Krav Maga classes I will hurt them if they over step their boundaries. Thus there is a clear understanding I am not at Muni to be eye candy or fodder for the male drivers and likewise I won't treat them as eye-candy or fodder.

tty4 5 years 18 weeks

As a guy I'm clueless about these cues. I just take them as good natured friendliness. Plus isn't workplace romance generally a Bad Thing.

bingkaycoy 5 years 18 weeks

Since I had successfully introduced myself as the "no-nonsense, well-committed, professional" but with a "sweet, nurturing, amiable" person, plus they know I am happily married, male c0-workers never mistake my niceness with flirtation.

gingerdelmore 5 years 18 weeks

My male coworkers are often confused by me, but usually for the opposite reason. I'm pretty quiet and introverted, and a lot of the time they tend to misinterpret my shyness for coldness. Occasionally I will have the same problem with female coworkers, but more often or not its the men that seem to expect me to be bubbly and outgoing.

chakra_healer 5 years 18 weeks

Sometimes, I've been asked out a few times and my being "nice" or "sweet" is usually one of the reasons given for the attraction. It is not a big deal and after I decline a date or explain that I am in a relationship, the crush passes without issue.

emalove 5 years 18 weeks

I only work with a few males and most of them are much older than me. I think they see me more as a daughter-type. The one who is close to my age is also married. We're just friends. I'm not a flirtatious person anyway, so I'm not worried about this ever happening.

gooniette 5 years 18 weeks

I have to be very careful to always be professional and courteous, but not friendly, with most of my male coworkers. In the past, just a friendly smile could generate unwanted advances, not all the time, but enough to keep me on my guard. I'd say I can be myself with maybe 1 in 4 male coworkers.

SkinnyMarie 5 years 18 weeks

No men here.

Mintie 5 years 18 weeks

I always find that bitchy women will more often mistake my niceness to guys as flirting.

rlveronica 5 years 18 weeks

I don't have any male colleagues yet. Haha.

aimeeb 5 years 18 weeks

No worries in this dept. They know me very well and know the only man I have eyes for is my boyfriend. :)

Lorelei Spirit 5 years 18 weeks

We're good. There was one male co-worker who used to work with me, although he is no longer with the company, who "flirted" with me a lot. He annoyed me because he was married and had 2 babies. So he was probably the only person at work who got my cold shoulder. Otherwise, we are a pretty tight knit family.

Lovely_1 5 years 18 weeks

No. I love my guy co-workers because I feel like they are the only guys out there I can be nice and talk to and have a convo with and they DON'T get the impression that I am trying to bag them! Honestly! They understand I am trying to be nice and professional (and they know I live with my bf) so they totally know I am not flirting, but just trying to be friends!

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