Help a fellow Sugar reader out! This working girl is sick of hearing about her co-worker's sex life. What advice do you have for her? Read her question below and then leave your words of wisdom in the comments.
I work in an office where there's a small group of women my age. We eat lunch together a couple times a week and chit chat mostly about work stuff, though as we spend more time together it's only natural that the personal stuff has started to surface more often. Most of the girls are in serious relationships and I'm just starting to get more involved with one guy, and there's one girl who's all over the dating scene and is constantly over-sharing the intimate details of her nights out. She gets really raunchy.
She's only been working here for a couple months and the other girls are all ears when she dishes about her sex life, but it makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to exclude myself from the group lunches, but I'm also getting sick of losing my appetite every time that girl opens her mouth. What should I do?
Fendi
it sounds like you're being really prudish...if everyone else is okay with it, then why do you get so bothered? get over it, is my advice
how would i handle it? i would listen and laugh
1PS: yes i know her behaviour is not very professional, especially if she's new to the office and to the group but obviously everyone else is okay with it, so i don't see the major issue, if you're not her superior
2I honestly don't know what I would do...
But more importantly: I think it is hilarious, Savvy, that you choose to call this girl a "working girl". What an ironic connotation to assign to someone who is uncomfortable hearing raunchy sex stories...
3There's a time and a place for everything. Raunchy sex talk is not appropriate for the workplace. Period. And that she is a relatively new employee raises eyebrows. This is one excample of our society's moral decline. A suggestion would be to pull her aside during the day and just say that the sex talk makes you uncomfortable and ask that she tones it down. If she refuses, then sit somewhere else.
4It's doesn't make you feel good, but you don't want to excluded from your friends at work. If this was elementary school my mom would beat me over the head.
You can either keep your personal integrity and find new things to do for lunch, or suck it up. What about sharing something exciting about your life or controlling the conversation so that this topic doesn't come up. Rather than being a passive listener, become the intriguing story teller.
5This happened to me one. Except, in that situation no one was okay with how much and how in detail this woman spoke of sex. All the time, she never shut up. She even did it in front of parents with the door wide open! It was extremely rude and disgusting. She started to get off topic with me, when she asked if my BF started work at his new office...and ya know, started on about her sex life. I then said "I really don't care to know the millionth time what position you were in last night". It stopped after that.
6Deal with it. Be ready with a change of subject. It's only happening at lunch, and not at other times during the workday. If you do get picky about it, you're going to alienate your coworkers and make it look like you're trying to play Mean Girl in the office clique while quite directly labeling this person Slutty Girl.
Is this really about unprofessionalism/appetite loss, or is this because you're not the center of attention?
7I really don't know how you should handle it. But you are lucky it's a co-worker about the same age as you. My boss who is in her forties (which is about the same ages as my mom) would tell us digusting stories. She fancied herself as one of the girls since there were two other girls who were also my age, all in our early 20's. What can you say to her, she holds your future in your hands?
8Legally, it's sexual harassment. If you don't like it, tell her. At the same time, you can't have it both ways. You can't share any details (if you do) if she can't. If she still refuses to stop, then you can take it to HR.
9Personally, it's your choice. Either grin and bear it or say something. Maybe she doesn't know that she's divulging too much information. You can give her the professional courtesy of letting her know that she's risking changing people's work-opinions of her.
gl.
Either pull her aside and tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable or move from the table. That's as much as you can do. If you don't want to feel awkward, try to deter the conversation but remember she also has a right to discuss what she wants just as you do.
10I would just say "hey, can we not talk about this while we're eating?".
11hahahaha sorry this makes me laugh, in the society we live in today that is over saturated with sex and you can see people half naked and intertwined on the sides of buses and on bill boards in downtown streets, how is it even possible to have tmi anymore? dont we already know everything in this sex drenced society weve built? Dont get me wrong im not saying its a good thing that everyone is like a hormone addled dog these days its just that you would have to be a bit of a prude to not get used to it by now.
12ive learnt from experience that most pipo who brag about their sex lives are rarely that good. birds of a feather flock together maybe u have outgrown this crowd find a group that talks about financial planning and investment or furthering your education that is more beneficial than her TMI
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