I think basic stuff should be paid for by the bride and groom, but the couple shouldn't be on the hook if a guest wants super top shelf stuff. Maybe an option of basics (simple mixes, certain spirits, beers..etc) should be free to guests, but have a small price list set if guests chose the top shelf liquors or imported stuff. that woud be my guess at a fair compromise.

Well, this is timely. I was having this discussion with my fiance literally an hour ago. We are very stressed out by the 67% of people who think that cash bars are tacky, because we'll probably have to have one at our own wedding. We don't have a ton of money, and are providing a really nice sit down dinner and to think that people will be saying that we are tacky for not providing more certainly puts a damper on our day. If someone would like to give us an extra $1000 to pay for the alcohol, we'd love to as we certainly don't mind drinking. I think it's unfair to judge people as being tacky, when it's mostly a financial issue. We ended up deciding that it didn't matter what we did- people will always think they should have more. If you just provide sangria with the appetizers, people will wonder why they weren't given wine with dinner and so goes. It's just not a win-win it seems. I hate that when all we want is to have our family and friends celebrate our day with us, what we have to be thinking about is if people think we are being tacky/not providing enough. :/

I don't think it's tacky because like #2 said, it's mostly a financial thing and people can run up one heck of a bar tab when it's all free. Some of my friends have done a couple of bottles of wine at each table and a keg (hidden behind a bar with a server so it's not tacky with plastic cups or anything) or a selection of bottled beers for those who don't like wine, then when that was gone, you were welcome to purchase your own drinks from the bar. I thought that worked well and wasn't tacky. I think that people who are super picky outside of those options shouldn't mind paying for their special drink.

I think cash bars are tacky.

If you can't afford a full bar, just have beer and wine. I think that's far less tacky than having a cash bar.

I think the beer and wine option is a good compromise for someone wanting to be generous but not being able to afford a full open bar

I agree - beer and wine

I hate to say it, but yes. My husband and I couldn't afford a full open bar at our wedding so we just had beer and wine -- definitely a good alternative!

very tacky. if you can't afford just wine and beer like kimbo and tlmort said, maybe it's time to scale back the wedding. if you have a reception, it's about your guests, not about you. the ceremony is all yours, but the reception is a party. for your guests.

would you throw a house party that you expected people to fly in from all parts of the country, take off of work, etc., and then charge them $6 for a beer?

TACKY!

I think its tacky. I understand that weddings are very expensive, but asking guests to pay for alcohol is not cool. Especially if you are asking them to travel, pay for a hotel, buy you an expensive gift, etc. Modify your budget, serve only one option. There's plenty of things you could do, in fact here's six ways to cut costs on wedding drinks.

Agree with snarky - people are spending money to come to a party - so please, be a good host. These people might have paid for travel, transportation, hotels, new outfits, GIFTS FOR YOU, etc. - Dont also make them pay to have a good time.

Beer and wine is just fine if you cant afford a full bar. And if you cant afford a full bar, dont shell out for a "very nice sitdown dinner". Cut back a bit to a more casual affair and add on some beer and wine. One of the most fun, classy, etc weddings I went to was beer and wine only. Another fav was a summer barbecue in a park with red and white picnic theme colors and margaritas and cherry pies instead of a wedding cake. Spending money is not obligatory, but being a proper host when you are throwing a party is. A host doesnt make guests pay for things - it goes against the whole point of being a guest.

I'm kind of neutral. I agree that only serving beer and wine or having a limited cocktail selection is better than a cash bar, but at the same time I don't think wedding guests are automatically entitled to free unlimited booze, even if they traveled to your wedding and bought you a gift.

I just wanted to throw in that some venues will actually do a per person open bar cost, so that you're not stuck with an unknown tab at the end of the night, but you know going in just how much you will spend on the bar. That's a good option for people who really have to stay in budget but want an open bar.

Tacky. Beer and wine are much better options.

My husband and I did both...we bought beer and champagne, but if any guests wanted something different to drink, they had the option to go to the bar and pay for it. Most of our guests weren't big drinkers, so it wasn't a big deal. Open bar can get very expensive very quickly, so I can understand not wanting to have it. Providing beer and wine is a pretty good compromise though.

I think it's pretty tacky to have a cash bar, because your guests are paying for a gift (and many are traveling as well).

I agree that beer and wine is a good compromise.

Most weddings I have been to have beer and wine, and maybe a small selection of mixed drinks...and a set amount. If you want something more fancy, or once those drinks were gone, then it was cash bar. That seemed to be a good way to handle it to me!

It's beyond tacky. Would you invite your guests over for a dinner party or BBQ and then charge them per drink? No. You would buy what you could afford and serve it.

I think brides with expensive dresses, shoes, hair and makeup that go the cash bar route are selfish. I would scale back on so much before I let it affect my guest's enjoyment. Beer, wine, and a signature drink is affordable if you forgo fancy centerpieces, invitations, and favors!

I understand cost if you're paying for a wedding yourself. But you shouldn't be asking your guests to pay for anything at the reception (other than maybe parking) -- that's what's tacky. That may mean you scale back on some items. Lots of people here suggest a beer/wine bar instead. You could also just serve bubbly (prosecco and cava are cheaper!) or see if your venue will allow you to provide your own booze (BevMo, CostCo, or Trader Joe's are a big help there).

You certainly don't have to go all-out and pay for 5 hours worth of top shelf booze for your guests. But remember that wedding budgets are all about prioritizing. Decide which factors of the party are most important to you, and put more money there. For example, my hubs and I wanted an open bar...but we could have cared less about flowers. We did candle/lantern centerpieces that cost a fraction of the price of floral arrangements -- the extra money saved there was able to cover an open bar.

TACKEY ! Beer + wine if you can't/ don't want to do a full open bar. I usually don't even bring money to a wedding !

AGREED--tacky! I am in a wedding this weekend, and going to many this summer. I am traveling over night for them all, which is super expensive--missing bar review courses (which is something I WANT to do to be there for my friends), buying two shower, bachelorette, and wedding gifts...buying myself new dresses etc, paying for gas, hotel etc. and after all that I would NOT be happy to have to have my wallet or credit card out and ring up a huge tab just to drink throughout the night...

as someone else said...the ceremony is for you, the reception is for your guests...I am so happy to be celebrating with my dear friends but after all the money spent on them all I ask for is some free drinks! honestly i care less about extravagant meals then a great, fun, lively, happy, party (and that does NOT include a CASH bar--if I wanted a cash bar I could go out downtown any night of the week!)

Happsmjc , you are a better friend than me! During Bar Review I was so unbelievely ego centric ... I didn't do anything that wasn't allaboutme during those 2 months. Which bar are you taking? good luck, study hard, and remember to relax and decompress.

Tacky. I actually had a conversation about this earlier today. When my best friend got married, they couldn't afford an open bar so they just served wine and beer. Trust me, no one cared that beer and wine was all we had.

Tacky! Have a smaller wedding so you can pay for the booze. Just have beer and wine and no hard liquor. For me feeding the guests, providing libations and dance music — that is what the wedding reception is about. Oh and the cake. I don't need a little present on my plate when I sit down.

Frankly I don't want any forms of alcohol at my wedding.
I never understood why people think they need to be drunk in order to enjoy a wedding.

GEEZ, ALL YOU NEED ARE A FEW DRUNKS & YOUR WEDDING COULD BE RUINED PLUS, WHEN PEOPLE SEE THEY DON'T HAVE TO PAY.....OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO DRINK MORE!!

i'd want champagne all night- but that's in my dream world
therefore obviously just offer beer and wine and soft drinks.
then run a cash bar for people who want alternatives.
i just threw a party for my mum's 60th with pimms, soft drinks, beer and wine. champagne just for the toast. there were no spirits and people didn't care- yes they'd drink it if it was there but as long as you offer something i don't think it matters.
having a cash bar for those who don't want to drink what you offer isn't tacky, it's just a backup plan. you can't cater for the minority on big events.
i appreciate that weddings can be an expensive time for the guests as well as the newly weds, but the bride and groom have to think about number one- planning weddings so quickly becomes about making everyone else happy and having a 'party' when it should be about the bride and grooms big day.

The comment "And if you cant afford a full bar, dont shell out for a "very nice sitdown dinner"." is pretty tacky itself, not everyones priority is drinking. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of the couples new life together, and if someone thinks they need a full open bar to celebrate, it's pretty pathetic.

no - they aren't tacky. at my wedding we actually did our bar 'on consumption' cause we didn't want to pay for an open bar knowing that not everyone drinks and we didn't fully want to have our guests pay since it was so expensive for them to travel to the wedding.

Well, I think it's more acceptable in some areas of the country as opposed to others. I wouldn't be bothered by it because I don't drink much, but my feeling is that the guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at the wedding. Not parking, not alcohol, not soda (yes, I actually went to a wedding where we had to pay for non alcoholic drinks).

Wine and beer only is a good option, but I couldn't do this at my venue, so I assume that's not an option for others as well.

Just treat it like any other party. Would you invite your friends over for a Memorial Day barbecue and have a cash bar?

what's annoying about them is that they're almost always a surprise -- i was caught off-guard by a cash bar at a wedding once, and i didn't have any money on hand (and there was nary an ATM in sight). that's not the position i want to be in as a guest, or put other people in, as a host.

i'm planning a wedding in NYC on a shoestring, and the way we've gotten around the liquor issue is by finding a venue & caterer that will let us bring our own (with no corkage fees). we stand to save about $2k this way. i know people have different priorities when it comes to their weddings, but for us, it's important that we're able to serve everyone who's making a big effort to come from out of town to celebrate with us.

i agree--its not just about alcohol--its about guests spending money (more than they have already spent), and as carhornsinarpi said it can be a surprise! and as modus said--would you invite someone to any other party and expect them to shell out?!!?

imlissy--i can't believe you had to pay for soda--appalling!

runningesq--im taking the Ohio bar...so far just barbri all day, doing MBE's etc at night! i'm just stressed b/c im missing THREE barbri classes for the wedding this weekend (b/c i am in it!) oh well--i will catch up!

These are all good opinions, and after reading everything, I'm not sure now.

Every wedding I've been to in the past few years has been a cash bar. Yes, it's annoying, but, everyone dealt with it.

while i wouldnt serve alcohol at my wedding, i agree with the vast majority; it is very tacky to charge for drinks. im not sure how much wine/beer cost but i assume that its cheaper then an open bar, so to serve something that would still serve the purpose, along with other non-alcoholic drinks should be fine.

TACKY! At least a partial open bar is a nice thank you for guests who came all that way. Full open bar for 5 hours was a must and we're not even big drinkers. I feel that my guests knew that I was thinking about them instead of spending the money on more flowers or decorations, etc.

VERY tacky. Most people pay to travel, pay for hotel, gifts, etc. They shouldn't have to pay for drinks as well.

You people who are saying it's tacky to have a cash bar either aren't married, are very well off, or didn't have to pay for your own wedding.

Get with the times. If a friend or family member judges you because he or she has to fork over $10 or 12 for a couple drinks, I'd say they are the tacky one!

Way to assume danielle! I am not personally married, but I know of many people who paid for their own weddings who would certainly agree that it is tacky to have a cash bar. I am very with the times!

I'm planning my wedding now and can't even imagine inviting people to the reception and asking them to pay for a drink. If you can't afford an open bar, that's fine, but don't ask people to pay for their own drinks.

I think everyone is forgetting, alcohol is OPTIONAL, the guests aren't REQUIRED to get it. To say it's tacky to MAKE them pay for their drinks... no, it's not tacky to make them pay for alcohol, it would be tacky to make them pay for punch/water/soda/alcohol for the toast.

"It's beyond tacky. Would you invite your guests over for a dinner party or BBQ and then charge them per drink?"

Remember, when people are going to a BBQ, it's at someone's own house. At a reception, it's owned by someone who most likely won't let you bring your own alcohol, so it's super marked up. Drinking is OPTIONAL at a wedding, the bride and groom aren't charging for cake/dinner/champagne, it's rude to think you should get free alcohol when going to a wedding as well. I would NEVER expect it.

If a bride and groom can't afford alcohol, they should cut down their guest list, postpone their honeymoon, etc. It's rude to ask people to come celebrate with you, ask them to spend money on a gift, ask them to pay for travel and hotel, and not provide alcohol.

Seriously? Postpone their honeymoon FOR ALCOHOL? You've got your priorities out of whack. Alcohol is OPTIONAL. If people are going to your wedding for alcohol, then THEY should be cut from the guest list. They're going for the wrong reasons. The day is about the bride and groom starting their new life together, not getting drunk and vomiting on the dance floor.

"Just treat it like any other party. Would you invite your friends over for a Memorial Day barbecue and have a cash bar? "

No, but I'd do a BYOB party. Plus, I wouldn't invite 250 people to my house for Memorial Day.

For my wedding, I plan on buying a few kegs and bottles of champagne and once they're gone, they're gone. I'm also going to have the option of a cash bar. Of course punch/water/tea/soda will be free, but mixed drinks will have to be purchased. I don't drink beer or champagne, so I'll probably be at the cash bar myself buying a drink.

Last I checked, a honeymoon is option as well. I think you've got your priorities out of whack. The day is about the bride and groom celebrating with friends and family, not being selfish.

And I don't see anyone advocating getting drunk and vomiting on the dance floor.

I need some advise: My fiance's niece is getting married and she is asking everyone to sponsor $75.00-$100.00 for her wedding, is that tacky? Of course we are going to give it to her I was just puzzled. I'm sure there will be an open cash bar at that wedding. We will be paying for the basics, margaritas/wine/and beer our venue allows outside liquor so I'm sure people will bring their own bottles.

Pink, yes, I think that's tacky to ask for money to sponsor your wedding.

I think your idea of paying just for the basics is what I would do.

lilkim the sad thing is if you add up all the money she will receive for everyone (Fiance's family is huge) everyone will have paid for her wedding and everyone will still have to pay for their own drinks. I was a little upset but like he said its about family. My grandfather and uncle wanted to pay for my whole wedding and my fiance said absolutely not.