every woman is different, so i don't think there's a right answer here. for me, when/if i have kids, i would only want to do that and not also focus on a career. but that's just me and my personal preferences! the wonderful thing that feminism gave us was the choice to do either. anyone who says you're a bad mother for being a working mom isn't realistic. if i had to work to support my children, i definitely would. however, i hope that my future husband would be successful enough to allow me to be a homemaker.

I'm mostly a stay-at-home mom now (although I sometimes have writing gig, it's part time and telecommuting). I wish I could put in more hours for work, unfortunately, it's not cost-effective (we've done our math) for me to be out there and earning my previous-pre-baby wage and putting my son at a childcare.
I know my parents won't mind watching him but they're both also still working (although mom is only part-time--she's a caterer), and I don't want to put the burden on them despite their love for our son.

Definitely a working mom. I can't see my self staying home everyday to be a homemaker.

A Stay-at-home mother but divorce required that I go back to college and be marketable to even have a career that didn't exist in the first place. I've basically been an at home mother since leaving college in my early 20's. It's a scary thing to do, relying on a man's income. I wouldn't recommend it. Now that all kids are in school, it's still extremely stressful doing everything alone.
I think the best thing to do is to try to work from home, like writing if possible like 'nevaeh' mentioned.

id like to be stay home when the kids are young preferably, but work at least part time then even. i know i would go crazy if i was to stay home all day.

Luckily, if I ever change my mind about having kids, I'd be able to stay at home with them. I don't like the idea of leaving my kids at a daycare or with a sitter while I'm at work. My sister told me that my nephew has been physically injured at the day care where he goes during the day...I just wouldn't be comfortable leaving my baby in a situation like that. I think if you're going to have children, you should raise them as well and not just drop them off at a day care center all day long. Of course, I know that's not possible for a lot of people...I like the idea of working from home, but I know a lot of people can't do that either.

stupid question. why is this even still a question in today's world?

what do you mean, posiejane? Savvy's just asking what you would prefer, not which is the best.

I'd ideally like to work part-time (2 days a week) and have a nanny for when I'm at work. I'd love to have lots of time with my kids, but not ALL my time. My career is important to me and I want to maintain it even when I have a family.

Personally at this particular stage in my life I wouldnt want to be a mother, and shouldnt be a mother, im still too young and too interested in my own goals and such. But if i was in this mindset i would say stay at home mom, i dont think working moms can pull it off as well as they think they can, As a child of experience it is a weird feeling to know that your mother or parents werent there for your first steps etc.

When the time comes, I definitely still want to have some sort of job, whether it's keeping my current one, or doing something more part time. I don't have a problem being a stay-at-home mother, I just know that I'd need something else in my life, or I'd go crazy!

I LOVE my job ! I really like my coworkers and my boss, I find my work challenging and rewarding, and the pay is very decent (esp. for a government attorney). A lot of women in my office have (young) children and make it work.

I highly recommend the book The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? about the danger of relying on a man for income and financial security.

My fiance and I were just discussing this. I would rather be a working mom, but I am going into a field where hours are flexible and should I choose to go into private practice, then they are super flexible. My fiance is also going into a field where there is flexibility in the hours. I grew up with 2 full-time working parents, and his mom was always home while he was growing up, so he's more leery of daycare than I am.
I guess my point is that we will both be working, so daycare will be a part of it, but we also want to be very involved, so neither of us are willing to put our jobs before our family. I am also an advocate for daycare, because as an only child, I think that early socialization with other kids was important to my development.

Definitely a working mom - I love my kids but I know I will go insane if I stay at home all the time.
I am lucky that I can work from home a few days a week and this enable me to help taking the kids to music lessons / Gymnastic practice ....

if it feels like you're giving up too much then staying home with the kids isn't for you. i would never want to miss out on seeing all the "firsts" in my girls lives and i like being involved at their school and in their activities. so to me staying at home doesn't seem like i'm giving up anything. if i worked and heard about everything second hand though, that to me would be horrible.

as women we have a choice now. everybody needs to decide what theirs is.

If we ever change our mind about having children (which I doubt), I would be a stay-at-home Mom. Fortunately, I do have that choice. My husband would prefer that I stay at home, too. Right now, we're child-free by choice, so it's a non-issue.

I was raised by a stay-at-home Mom. It's the only way I know how (and want) to approach raising children. My Mom was very hands-on, cooked all our meals, and kept a good home. It's Mother's Day -- I've been reflecting on my Mom a lot today.

I would want something on the side, I would go nuts otherwise, but my husband is also willing to take turns working and working together to make each other happy and fulfill the needs of our kids.
I was a nanny all through college (and a very good one, lol) but it saddened me to realize I was with these children more than their parents. I dont want my children to have that.

I am getting ready to have my first baby now, and I will have no choice from a financial perspective but to return to work after my maternity leave. This is NOT, however, what I would choose in an ideal world. I hate that I could miss some milestones while she is at day care and I am at work. If we could afford it, I would stay home at least until my daughter starts school and after that I would want to work parttime. Since I have to work, I am thankful that both my husband and I work in the public schools, so we will at least have all the holidays off to be with our daughter and we both get home from work while it still light outside.

i think in a perfect world i'd love to be a stay at home mom that has some type of work to do sometimes. i think that i'd need to have some work since that's the kind of personality that i am, but i think that it would much rather be able to take the time and spend it with my babies than to go to the office every day and miss out on things.

Ideally, I would like a part-time job. I think I would go batty if I was stuck at home all day, or only surrounded by other stay-at-home mommies/daddies (nothing against them, I just like to have a variety of people around me).
That wold have a been a great 3rd option for the poll.

When the time comes, I'd like to stay at home until they are in school. Or have a part-time job while they are little. I just guess we'll see what I can do when I have kids.

Stay at home mom. Its always been my dream. We'll see if that'll work! I might have to work part-time. I will not leave my children at a daycare or have a nanny though. We will work it out that only my hubby and I take care of our kids--that much we're sure of!

My mom worked full time [still does] and never missed an important event. She volunteered at swim meets, drove to dance lessons, attended all my recitals, plays, field hockey games, etc. You CAN do both, and do them well!

I think it's naive to say "I will stay at home until my kids are in school, then go back to work." It can be difficult to re enter the workforce when you've been out for 5+ years. Lots can change and an employer will likely pick someone who has been working consistently (or just out of school) then someone who has been out for a while and may not know what is current.

To those who plan on staying home (or do stay home): what do you do about money? Do you have a retirement plan for both of you? Would you be able to survive if your husband divorced you or was unable to work?

When and if I have kids I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom. It would drive be crazy however, I would take-on a 4 day work week and have off on Fridays. My mom doesn't work so she would be my sitter for the other days. Also I get a lot of time from work so I'm sure it would all work out.

I just had a discussion with my mom about this last week. She can't really wrap her brain around the idea that I want to keep working full time when I have kids. She made me feel bad for saying that, but I'm sorry, I am just not the maternal type, and I just can't see myself not working.

runningesq, I agree with your point of view, but I also feel that this is a highly personal decision. I think we should respect and value the opinions of those women who do want stay home.

A hybrid of the two - I'd prefer to be a work-at-home mom!

my husband supports our family so i don't "need" to work. and it's his business so he'll never be laid off, lol.

leila07, my parents were really vocal about me needing to stay home once we had kids, which was odd because my mom literally never stayed home with me after i was a few months old. like you said; to each their own.

I grew up with a stay-at-home mom and plan on being a stay-at-home mom (who works from home in her studio) for as long as possible. it's part of why I picked the profession I'm in.

ilanac13 I couldn't agree more

Part time or work at home mom.

I was a stay at home mom for my first son's 6-8 months and I nearly drove myself insane. I enjoyed my son but I needed adult interaction and to feel like I wasn't just a mother.

I was a working mom for my second son's first year and I hated that I missed all the first and was just too tired some nights to really play with my son.

Next time around I plan on being a good mix of the two by working at home or having a part time job

great posts and discussions!

I don't really think that you can only choose one. Being a working mom or stay at home mom. Why choose one if you can do both? You don't really have to sacrifice the welfare of your kids in order to work outside when you can work straight from home. Everyone does work home based. You can earn money as well as can have quality time with your kids.