Well, I admire your courage in buying a house with someone other than a spouse or family member. I've been married two years and we're still not in mortgage-paying home-buying mode! My first question is, why can't the two of you rent until/if you get married?

When my husband and I were dating, we split things pretty evenly in terms of the bills and I actually ended up paying a little more than him (just cuz of utilities varying in cost, etc) --- but, he paid for everything else... like going out to eat, buying wine, movies, entertainment etc. So it all evened out, and if I didn't have money at the end of the month (because he did make more than me), it would be OK because all I was really paying was bills.

Perhaps if you don't like the idea of him paying more in "bills" ask him to pay for groceries, dining out, and entertainment --- that way you're fair and square in bills, but he's still spending more since he's making more.

i wouldn't even go there until after marriage. granted, your relationship sounds stable for now but if things go sour, you are stuck with your "business transaction". and if you end up disliking or even hating this person (or vice-versa), you both might not find it so easy to be understanding of the lop-sided investment when it comes time to sell the place. i've seen it happen so many times my dear... if you really want to buy a home, i would wait until you can afford one yourself, or wait until your relationship has progressed to the point of marriage.

I don't know if it is your being married that I would wait for. Rather it is that you are (very smartly) not sure if you two are going to be married and are being realistic that you may break-up. Personally, because this is a huge issue, I would want to view this as you are viewing it, a business contract. That is why I would wait to be legally married or have a civil union before I bought a house with someone. I view marriage as a contract and therefore there is no longer a situation of "my money your money" or "you make more so you pay for this" -which is what I would do with roommates. In a marriage, while you would obviously want to discuss who will be responsible for what financially but there is no longer the fear that you paid "less" and he gets screwed because you are both agreeing that you are part of one household. Am I making sense? You want to be able to have a fairly clean split when it comes to assets if things go south. So my long-winded response is that I suggest waiting to buy until you are married or at the very least -sign papers in court so you are married and have a wedding later.

Split the mortgage in half, and have him pay for the non-durable goods. The bottom line will be that he pays more of the month-to-month items, but you still get to split the house (and appliances).

Having him pay more for the mortgage and you still expecting half isn't fair, and is just bad karma.

Generally speaking, owning is so much better than renting, granted you're not trying to buy the bottom in a bubble area. And own it, don't expect to flip it in the near term. If you do see a possibility of being forced to sell it (job relocation, break-up, whatever), weigh that into the decision.

If you are intent on buying a house together, by small starter home that's in the 100-150k range based on your salary. I wouldn't suggesting getting a house past 175k because the way the economy is now, a lot of homes are over valued and you could end up buying a home worth less than it's worth. Depending on which state you live, you can get a great house for that amount. The mortgage is usually more affordable for the both of you to be able to split evenly. Since your boyfriend makes more than you, he could pay the utility that's probably the most expensive, such as lights and you can pay the water or cable bill which add up would most likely come around the same amount monthly as the lights. That way eventually everyone is paying equal shares and you don't have to feel guilty.

I also think its brave buying a home with a boyfriend but then again no more so than a husband or wife simply because marriages can end just like any other relationship.

What is very important I think is to get this settled quickly and very clearly so that from the get-go its understood what the arrangement is.

If you work off a percentage of income = amount contributed to mortgage, for instance, then when the house sells, the profit could always be split with the same percentage ratio...but something like this I think is best made legal or recorded somehow "on paper" just in CASE its ever up for debate.

If that doesn't work then keep it 50/50 and divvy up the expenses some other way so that on "paper" the mortgage is definitely an even split.

Good luck either way!

I would make sure that you fully understand how difficult it might be if your relationship falls apart. If both of you are on the title and on the mortgage, you would have to do some legal work (quit claim deed) to get one person's name off the title and refinance to a new mortgage in one person's name only. Could either of you afford to pay for the house by yourself?

Also, in order to "cash out your 50% share", the other person would have to have half the value of the house sitting around in cash or would have to sell. Selling a house is stressful enough, but dealing with such big decisions with a recent Ex and a lot of money on the table would be awful. Esp. in today's market - what would you do if it took a year to sell the house?

If the fallout is contentious, would you have the money to move out and still maintain your financial obligations to the mortgage and bills? He would be connected to your credit reports through the mortgage and any utilities that have both names on them - that would take some time to unwind as well and you'd better hope that he isn't the vindictive type.

Sorry to be so negative, but it can get really ugly, expensive, and complicated. Make sure you know the magnitude of your decision before you make it.

My boyfriend and I have been in this situation for six years and two homes. He pays the mortgage because he wanted to buy a home right away. I don't pay rent because I make less than him and I pay student loans - his parents paid for his college.

I recognize that my boyfriend is extremely giving in this situation and I am very grateful. It has worked out amazing for us.

Once my credit is in good shape and we decide whether or not we want to get married - then my name will go on the home we decide to by. Until then, I'm a semi-free bird with a free place to stay.

XOXO

if you can't afford to pay 50% of the mortgage without going broke, why are you offering to? this just doesn't make sense.

My husband and I didn't live together before we got married, so I don't have any real advice. We rented when we were newlyweds so we could save up for a good-sized down payment BEFORE we bought a home. And now we just pay the mortgage out of our joint account.

DO. NOT. DO. IT!

If you get married and THEN buy a house, and THEN get divorced, the court will divide your assets equitably -- looking at what each person brought in the marriage, both financially, emotionally, mentally, etc.

If you buy the house together and break up, the court will not step in to protect either of you.

If you do decide to do it, have a lawyer draw up a contract as to what happens if you decide to sell the house, break up, who gets what, who pays for what, etc.

Good luck.

I was in a similar situation, but I firmly believe that buying real estate as a couple should only happen after marriage. Regardless of what you and your boyfriend agree to now, a break-up plus money issues equals a nasty situation.

i think that you guys are very mature about it all. my fiance and i have had this same conversation so many times, and i think that we've come to the conclusion that for the mortgage itself we're ok with splitting it in half but then with everything else, he helps when he can so that i don't end up broke since he's typically making more money than me. it's probably one of the smartest ways to go - since worst case scenario, if you do break up, then you have even share of the house, even if he's paying more for the utilities etc. i'm sure that you'll figure out a way to balance things out when the time comes. you're still young, so if you're a little unbalanced now, there's plenty of time to right it all in the future. good luck!

A good friend of mine was having a similar dilemma. She makes substantially less than her boyfriend, and he pays more bills. Their compromise was to sign a legal agreement stating if the relationship should end, each would get out a fair share of what s/he put in.

i'm currently renting with my boyfriend and his brother. we decided on a ratio to pay. we pay 5/9 of the rent together and his brother pays 4/9 of the rent. i would suggest using some sort of fraction like that throughout the transaction until you get married so that the calculations are easier, and how much you get back if you break up will be the same. just remember it!

BUT...if you pay 50% from the get-go, and he pays for other living expenses (food, bills, etc.) so that you don't go broke, and then if you break up you could end up making money if the value of the house went up. just sayin!

and a legal agreement is a great idea! sort of like a pre-nup. don't worry about the not being married part. sounds like you've thought things through more than some people do before they walk down the aisle.

If you're not married, I would buy a house that you can afford together each paying 50% of the mortgage and split the household expenses evenly. Have your boyfriend set aside the extra money he would otherwise be spending on the mortgage in a safe place. If, in a few years, you decide to combine your assets, use that money to invest in a new home or remodel or other hard asset. If, in a few years, things don't work out, you'd still made an even, but cautious, investment.

I think vunder's advice is best under the circumstances.
But I wouldnt do it unless i was married.

My advice (based on your question) would be to decide on a fair share for each. If you can't do a 50/50 split then do something like where he pays 60% and you pay 40%. If you go this route though, then I would get some legal documentation saying that if you ever split then he gets 60% and you get 40%.

Now, I would caution you though to think about your options should you split. Who would be responsible for the mortgage? Whose name is the mortage going to be in? Whose name is the deed going to be in? Make sure you consider this wisely and regardless of how you choose to split the mortgage ratio, get some legal documentation backing it up.

I don't relate either. My husband and I bought a home after we married. In fact, we didn't live together until we married.

i am currently doing this and am in the same situation. It is a business transaction and you should think of it as such. It is not a big deal business partners do this all the time. We split the mortgage 40 me - 60 him. We went to a lawyer and had a contract drawn up. If we do split up he will own 60% or the house and me 40%. It was simple and easy and only cost a few hundred bucks. When we do get married or circumstances change, the contract can be voided or amended.

DONT DO IT!!! i know women who have bought a home with a boyfriend with the BEST intentions, and it didnt work out and it was horrible!

I am in the same situation except I'm the one that makes a bit more. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we're closing on our first house on Friday. Marriage is NOT the only way to buy a house. What makes people think that marriage will keep you together? Divorce rates are so high, you're just as likely to break up a marriage I feel like. I just want to point out that for our situation, we live in rather expensive california and just a couple years ago I never thought we'd be able to afford a home. With the economy and foreclosure rates we ARE able to now. Why WOULDN'T we take this opportunity? Because we're not married?? Married or not, we're signing a legal contract. We're going into this with open eyes and everything on the table.
But as for your question, the way we do it is split all the housing bills (mortgage or rent, bills etc) 50/50. But I usually pay for more things during the month, extra groceries, movies and such. That works best for us. Also, it might be a good idea to have your realtor or an attorney write up something for you guys in the case that you Don't work out. Almost like a prenuptial agreement, this is what I get, this is what he gets etc. Just to be on the safe side.
Good luck buying your first home! It's so exciting!!

I can understand you wanting to pay 50/50 on the house; it's fair since you will be living in it just as much as he will. We pay rent 50/50 even though I make less than he does...our solution was to have him buy the groceries and me prepare the food. That way we are both contributing in ways that we can each afford.

I find it interesting how people dismiss marriage because of high divorce rates as being the same as dating. It is a government institution governed by laws. That's the difference. Plain and simple. If you're married and you want to split, you get divorced through a COURT.

With that said, if you (or the poster or anyone) still feel OK about buying a home without a marriage, I'm not judging.

I just wanted to make it clear that there is a huge LEGAL difference between marriage and dating.

Of COURSE there's a huge legal difference in marriage and dating. What I was refering to was not the legal difference but the chances of staying together are NOT any better just because your married. Buying a house together is a HUGE deal and obviously a decent sign that they're commited to each other. I actually think buying a house together is just as big of a step as getting married. Also, marriage is not for everyone so it doesn't make sense that so many people are saying Don't buy a house until your married!! And for that matter many couples I know CAN'T get married now (due to prop 8)but still want to buy since the buying is so good. So I guess what I'm just trying to say is that Marriage doesn't need to be a precursor to buying a house.

And I don't believe I said that.

If both of you are comfortable buying a house together even though you're not married (or engaged), I'd say do it. Firstly, right now is a GREAT time to buy since the housing market is so low, so you'll likely get a great deal. On the other hand, getting a loan from a lender you are comfortable/safe with might be something to consider, and more difficult. Secondly, I've always been a huge advocate of buying over renting, so you definitely are making the right decision in my book. As far as who pays more, I'd definitely split the monthly mortgage payment in half, so the house is both of yours equally. However, since your boyfriend seems more than willing to pay more, I'd allow him to pay for more of the other monthly expenses (electric, water, groceries, etc.) Honestly, he may enjoy feeling like he's "taking care of you" even just a little bit. He seems like a good man, and you seem like a very reasonable person. Go for it :]

I agree with Syako.

If you purchase a house during the course of a marriage, it is MARITAL PROPERTY .. REGARDLESS OF WHO PURCHASED IT (if you are married, your pension and 401(k) are also marital property).

So --- you buy a house with your b/f, you each put in 50/50, or 60/40, or 90/10... and then you split up. What happens? The court will not step in to protect either party. It may try to interpret what you did as a contract, but without a written document... good luck.

If you are married, the court will split up the value of the house along with all other marital property.

I personally would not buy a home with someone without a ring on my hand, but that's just my personal view. I had been dating my boyfriend for 3 years when I bought my home, by myself. I pay all the bills. Even though we plan to marry and have kids (we've been together for over 5 years now) if something were to happen all I'm losing is a boyfriend and everything else will be exactly the same.

If you do decide to go in together, I would make sure that you have a plan (contract) written down and signed by both of you that spells out exactly what will happen to the house if you were to split.

You should also consider if he were to, God forbid, die, what would you do? Could you afford this home on your own?

1) Regardless of if you wait til your married or not, have legal documents drawn up for your agreement. I personally wouldn't do this before I marry, but marriage isn't for everyone. All you can do is continue to treat this like a business transaction -- and that needs to involve a lawyer.

2) Whatever percentage you split the mortgage by, that should be the percentage you are entitled to in the case of a split. Not to mention the fact that you personally should not pay for 50% of a mortgage if you cannot afford it. You need to both pull out your finances and take a serious look at them together. On top of the mortgage payment, you can always factor in other expenses (groceries, utilities, furniture, entertainment) and who pays for what that way. But if you're keeping mortgage payments separate, don't offer to pay for more than you can afford on a regular basis.

My boyfriend and I are in a similar (but not the same) situation. He makes much, much more than me because he is further along in his career and his field just makes more. We want to live together and eventually get married, but we are waiting until things are financially viable. He is paying off his debt and will be buying a house he can afford *on his own*. When I move in, I will be paying my share of food and utilities, but not paying part of the mortgage.

If we break up, he still has his house and will still be able to afford it by himself. I get to keep any money I would have paid for rent, and use it for a place of my own or whatever. Even if my financial situation improves I won't contribute more to the house itself until we are married.

We've already agreed that any home improvement costs will be paid for and implemented by him. I will help out in other ways, mostly involving my free time to decorate, prep meals, and do other things I enjoy. If it's something we both dislike (like dishes) he'll buy the dishwasher and I'll get the soap. He keeps his equity and I still contribute to the household (saving us both money).

It sounds almost old fashion, or like I'm a "kept" woman, but it makes the most financial sense to us. We are both keeping our financial independence, but contributing to a life together that we hope will be for the long haul.

Coral - definitely doesn't sound old fashion to me. Sounds like you guys have great communication and are way ahead of the money/finance curve.

Why don't you get a lawyer and get something in writing saying that if you sell the house before you're married you will split the proceeds in whatever way is necessary? You pay 40% and he pays 60% (an approximate percentage of what you each contribute to the household). If the relationship goes south, you get 40% and he gets 60%.

Of course, this assumes neither of you loses your jobs or gets a salary increase. But if you want to be fair, it's a good place to start.

I have no idea what I would do.

I'd prob just live on my own until I was married.

If you're determined to do it the other way around (buying a home together, then getting married) I wouldnt really worry about any of the minor details in the meantime, i.e. making it equal, etc.

I will say this tho, I think weddings can be expensive, and so if both y'alls $$$ is tied up in paying the mortgage, it could delay y'alls marriage for quite some time...

My beau makes alot more money than me.. He's a real estate investor with properties all over Houston and Austin along with a restaurant here in Houston so if this ever came about, I seriously doubt he'd expect me to pay half. (at least I hope not lol)

Hey hun!!! Personally...I don't think it is wise to invest on a house with a boyfriend. All I can think about is you two battling it out in court about who gets what if things don't work out!!!

I have a friend who is about to buy a house with her boyfriend and everytime she talks about it, I ask "...where is the ring?". It really is deeper than just moving in and splitting a mortgage.

I purchased an apartment with my boyfriend of 6 years. He clearly could afford more than I could, but I was catching up in my salary. Marriage doesn't secure a relationship, and it doesn't necessarily secure you 50% of everything should things go south.

I'm sure you're not the first unmarried couple to co-own property. Getting married just for the sake of keeping your money safe sounds awfully tacky. Think about becoming domestic partners and talk to a lawyer about what your options are.

Dont do it! I was in a similar situation as you are now. I was in the "relationship" for six years, had a child with him. He made substantially more than I did. He decided marriage was no longer an option so I left. I cannot begin to tell you how terrible the fight is to settle this mess! I am already into this "fight" for over two years and still no resolution. Ugh. Wait until you are married.