Wow. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same as Ms. Bowman. But I would have responded to the email as politely as possible letting the host know how I had been caught off guard and explaining why I did not feel obligated to cover the extravagant tastes of others.

First of all: hahahaha good for Tonya and what a b**ch that other woman is! Second of all: Was the sushi wrapped in gold to be $3500 for 7 women?
I think it is only ok to split a bill when each person pretty much ordered the same thing. As for paying for the birthday girl, we do usually split their cost with all the people there so since she knew she was going to a birthday dinner, it does seem fair that she would pay a portion of the acquaintance's dinner (which would maybe come to the acquaintance's meal of $500 divided by approx 7 women?? so max paid would be $100 including her own "meal") HOWEVER, after receiving such a rude email I'd tell her to go F herself and hope that she drowns in her spa.

Sushi is expensive. If she knew it was at a sushi restaurant and that the group would be splitting the bill evenly then she's on the hook. If none of that was known up front then I think she probably overpaid for what she actually had.

I give her points for not paying. I am sorry she didn't have $700 worth of food and obviously she wasn't told that the invite was for her to pay for the birthday woman. I think it's rude to invite someone to help celebrate your birthday and in turn expect them to pay for you and your friends (I bet she never met them).

Dude that sucks. If it were my bday and someone only contributed a minimal amount, I wouldnt contact them over it, b/c its not worth losing a friend over food. They mustve been drinking some pretty high priced drinks b/c I dont think Sushi could ever cost 3 grand. I'm kinda sketched out by the fact that it says it was a new acquaintance, too. I really dont get it. This seems like an odd situation. What the hell were they drinking??

I woulda done the same damn thing but responded to her message saying I didn't agree to go our for dinner and pay for everyone else?! sheesh. I would have asked for a separate check right off the bat.

That is crazy expensive!!! I'm sorry but when I have a birthday dinner I don't go to the most expensive restaurant in the city and expect my girls to pay for all of it. They would def let me know I crossed the line! (They are very outspoken) $500 is way too much money for sushi. Geez!

I believe the person who invites pays, unless it's specified otherwise!

I thought $500 was the entire bill. I would've done the same thing as Ms. Bowman had done. That bill was ridiculous and now when I dine in groups I get a separate bill for my BF and I.

I think before going to something like this, you have to either ask what the payment situation will be, or you assume the worst case - that everyone else orders more than you, but the bill gets split evenly.

that's part of why i HATE dining in group situations. i've learned my lesson from things like that and i'll always ask for a separate bill so that i don't have to pay so much more that necessary. i don't usually eat more than salad or soup - so it's not an even split. i would have done what she did - put down $50 and then left -and ignore the person's email cause you're not best friends with her - just an acquaintance - and it's just not fair to you.

Who eats $3000 worth of sushi? Sheesh! I would have paid for my food and tip and left just like she did. The e-mail she received was not cool either. If a person is just an acquaintance they may not know the other persons financial situation. She may not have had $500 to spend on one night’s dinner. The acquaintance should have let it go. The young lady should ask for a separate check when out with a large group. I learned that lesson in my early in life.

I do agree that the bill was over the top expensive it must have been at a place like Nobu and included tons of alcohol. However knowing I was going to Sushi for a birthday party I probably would have checked out the restaurants website to see how expensive it was going to be to make sure it was something I could afford. I would have assumed that since it was a birthday party that it would be divided amoungst the guests to pay for that is how all of my friends do it and at work we just expense it.

I would have done the same thing. WOW. weird.

wow. that is an insane bill for sushi for 7-8 ppl. i definitely wouldn't have paid it, but i would've explained the situation to the girl. seriously, are they eating sushi wrapped in gold instead of nori?

I forgot to add that I do not agree with how the birthday girl handled it she should have just let it go. A spa day is not that big of deal she could go another time!

I saw this article yesterday online, and the end of the story is that when Tonya left $50, she excused herself to go to the bathroom and then ducked out of the restaurant without an explanation to the group. To me, that's the biggest problem. I would NOT have left the restaurant without saying something -- it's perfectly acceptable to say that you specifically ordered frugally, and you're not comfortable with splitting the bill evenly. You can't be passive aggressive about money. The friend/host was not right in expecting everyone to pay so much, but if Tonya had handled the situation a bit more maturely, they could possibly still be friends.

I agree with cubadog. She should have researched the restaurant beforehand, and declined the invitation when she realized it was beyond her budget. Most restaurants have a menu with prices posted on their website, so all she had to do was google the place. It's not even necessary to give the real reason for declining; it's enough to say something like "I have other plans". The woman is not a close friend, after all. I agree with Deirdre that Tonya didn't handle the situation very well by sneaking out.

I did not realize that she ducked out with an explanation shame on her for the way she handled that aspect of the evening!

I did not realize that she ducked out with an explanation shame on her for the way she handled that aspect of the evening!

Weird on the sneaking out, right? I thought that the situation of the birthday dinner was pretty terrible and extreme on the cost expectations. But I had to shake my head over Tonya just leaving without saying she couldn't/wouldn't pay the full $500. Although it does also sound like this "friend" may have ordered a ton of expensive dishes and drinks if she expected her friends to treat her! Badd communication on both parties there -- the host should have indicated the cost expectation up front, and Tonya should have explained that should couldn't meet that.

I think she did the right thing. That is ridiculous.

I think I would have done the same thing, but rather than be silent I would have explained where I was coming from when asked to pay up. I think it was very appropriate for her to leave $50 and she shouldn't feel obligated to pay any more. It's silly that "the acquaintance" doesn't talk to her anymore, her expectations weren't realistic at all. $500, come ON!!

being that she was merely an acquaintance - she shouldn't feel obligated to pay for her -unless the only reason the other person invited her was so that she contribute to the paying of the bill.. but either way - there is no way i would pay $500 for what she had just to help cover / split the bill with everyone else.. that's definitely taking advantage of the situation... i'm cool. and i agree with above - i would have sent an email explaining herself and basically saying no - i'm not going to give you $450..

Although Tonya could've handled the situation better (without ducking out) I really cannot blame her. This is just such a travesty! Especially if this person was just an acquaintance! I wouldn't talk to them ever again. I also can't believe the nerve...wanting the money back for a SPA!?!

Seriously, I hate those kinds of situations. I totally agree with what Tonya did. Sometimes, some people don't take into consideration how pricey a meal might be for others that have to pay. My friend's husband did this for my friend's 30th and he gave us all the impression it was his treat and had preordered sushi and all this extra food for way more people than had attended. When the bill came, we all had to split the crazy bill, when I had stopped by and there was so much food left over which the birthday girl took home to her husband. So rude, at least have given us an opportunity to order for ourselves.

Wow. For $3500, I would have flown to Japan and eaten all the sushi I could handle there. Sushi in Japan is better anyway... And good for Tonya... I doubt I'd have had the balls to do that

I would really love to know what was on that bill!!! 7 people, almost 35hundred... that's INSANE!

But yeah, I would've done same/similiar most definitely! I don't think I would've ducked out... and I do feel bad for the friend having to foot her part of the bill but if the friend was hosting you kinda know walking in that you'll have to take on some responsibilities.

Thankfully when I'm out we usually ask for separate bills or everyone knows to contribute for their own. No one likes that awkwardness at the end

$3500!? Really?! I would've put in my part and given the lady a $20 gift card to Trader Joe's as my GIFT and would've left. I wouldn't WANT to be friends with someone like that. That's just too much. However, I wonder if her portion with tax & tip was more than $50 at a restaurant that posh...

i don't think that she should have paid the $500, but i do think it's shady that she left without saying anything. why not be assertive? sure, maybe someone should have said, "Tonya barely ate anything, she shouldn't pay as much," but why not bring it up yourself?

Damn. I feel bad about having my birthday dinner at a place that costs $60 a head; I always pick up the tab for drinks for my guests to help offset the cost. My friends and I are well-off, too...that's just polite to me, though.

I can't imagine forcing my friends to pay $500 a head at my birthday dinner, and I certainly can't imagine doing it without giving them a solid heads up as to the expected cost.

Part of me thinks there must be another side to this story. It's just too horrible to be true!

No way!

1. This is an acquaintance..you can't be so oblivious as to invite out people who are not your closest friends to an expensive place where you expect them to pay your share. And who is going to a sushi place where the bill is over 1,000 dollars. That's just frivolous.

there is no 2 I just like starting with 1

1) I have had stellar quality sushi and even being absolutely face-stuffingly self-indulgent, and WITH 2 other people could not spend 500 dollars easily on all THREE of us - where in the hell did they go? Did that include the plane flight?

2) A THOUGHTFUL friend would not assume everyone has 450 bucks to splash out (without warning) on a meal and would have made some sort of prior arrangements to avoid any sort of discomfort or embarrassment. (It's called good manners, nowhere is it written that a birthday is a license to be a jackass).

Good riddance to idiot friends, I say.

Was the meal blessed by the Pope? Because that is ridiculous!! That's exactly why when I go out to eat w/anyone, I always get my own bill. That way, I don't have to hear anything from anyone about what I failed to pay. But, I don't blame her for walking out.

Ok, I LOVE sushi and have NEVER paid that much for it! If this wasn't discussed ahead of time and an approximate amount of money per person mentioned - she has no reason to feel obligated to fork out $500.

"I wanted to use that money for a spa day"??? Guess you should have thought of that before you put a supposed friend on the spot like that. I can't blame the girl for not having anything more to do with her "friend" - the whole situation is such a shame!

Who doesnt talk about the bill before hand, when ordering we usually say "dutch" or "its on one bill" and if its a big group out for a persons birthday we all agree to help pick up THE BIRTHDAY GIRLS dinner, not the whole shebang, and if the bday girl makes a pig of herself to take advantage of her "friends" she can eat that bill along with the 3000 worth of sushi.

Nobody communicates anymore. i swear

Woooow, I would have told her to take her birthday and her spa treatment and to shove it. (I keep a tally of what I order when I'm out with other people.)

Okay, besides the fact that both Tonya and the friend were being immature, ... who the heck thinks it is reasonable to spend $500pp on a single meal? I spend less than that on buying groceries for a whole MONTH for *two* people. Even if you HAVE the money to do that, its just idiotic to actually do so. Put your money to better use.

I know.. she should have got a hotel room and had a pool party or something more useful. $500 worth of sh!t in their guts. What a waste.

This is why I always, always, always ask for separate checks. I hate money! It makes everything so hard. And even on your birthday there should be no expectation that people want to pay for your meal! I was think it's the company your with that should matter - not whether they are going to pick up your tab or not.

Seriously- last year my hubby and I took a 5 night trip to the Bahamas at an all inclusive resort for only $700pp. We had endless food and drinks, a cool resort playground, a beach, AND roundtrip flights for only $200 more than what these people paid to eat one meal.

I still can't get over the $3500 bill for 7 people. WOW

Wow - I feel really badly for her. I would probably have done the same thing. I would have wanted to say something/be assertive but I think I would have run too in order to not be ganged up on by 6 other women.

I'm glad this woman stood her ground about the extra $450. It sounds like she overpaid even contributing the $50. I would have said something about getting a separate check at the time, however. I actually did that recently at a group dinner. One person decided that we should only order a few entrees and then share them. I said, "You can do that if you want, but I'm hungry and I want my own!" I also got a separate check.

Here's a variation on this subject: A friend of mine went to a bridal shower luncheon. Everybody put in the amount of their own meal plus tax and extra for a generous tip. One girl -- a co-worker of the bride -- said that she would take the cash and put the meal on her credit card to "make it easier on the waitress." On the way out, the bride realized that she had forgotten one of the gift bags. My friend went back to get it. She saw the credit card slip still on the table. The girl had put only the meal and tax on the card. She didn't leave any tip at all and pocketed the cash difference. My friend, a waitress herself, apologized to the waitress and gave her the small amount of cash that she still had in her pocket. The bride was notified and she said that she would handle it. I don't know what happened after that.

I was already in that situation, but not at that cost! YIKES

but yes, we order food and stuff... but the sisters of the birthday girl order a lot of drinks and appetizers... but we only said that we didn't order that much and it was unfair.

And we didn't order drinks and other stuff because we didn't want to, not because we didn't want to spend, still we did tell them and pay just a little more of what we spend, and let the "drinkers" spend the most.

I agree that $500 is out of control but she should have spoken up like a mature adult and said she was leaving $50 because that was what she owed. End of discussion.

That amount is definitely ridiculous even for a high end sushi restaurant. I have been to Nobu a couple of times and I think that even if they ordered the Kobe Beef(which is priced by the ounce) and a ton of drinks and sushi, it would be hard to get that kind of bill. I am not really a drinker, so I don't know how many drinks each person would have had.

I would not be paying that amount either, but I wouldn't have snuck out. I would have told them.

I want to see a copy of the bill because there's no way that sushi would cost that much even for 8 people. I would think maybe 500 max for all 8 and that would be with booze.

I think if someone told me I had to pay $500 for soup, rice, and tea, I would probably panic and bolt, too.

I don't even have $500 to my name right now so id be mortified. It's not as if this was the last meal of their lives(but that one probably comes free...) I'm aghast at the price.