Prenuptial agreements among Hollywood's couples awaiting the walk down the aisle generally don't cause much of a stir, but when it comes to engaged couples who aren't among the rich and famous prenups seem to have a thicker haze surrounding them. Those asked to sign tend to think their loved ones are asking them to put a value on themselves, and what's more, they're calling the future of the marriage into question. Some are more sensitive than others though, as there are some among the newly engaged who think a prenup is sensible with such high divorce rates as a reality. Where do you fall? How would you feel if your fiancé mentioned a prenup as part of the deal?
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In a day and age when women are making a lot of money (if not more than their husbands), it is important for us to protect our assets. Especially when we also can't always predict if a marriage is going to unfortunately end, it would be awful to see things run awry financially.
1If one partner comes into the marriage with any assets of value higher than the other, or with a more lucrative career (or potential career, in the case of law or medical students), I think it makes sense to have a prenup.
My husband and I had no assets, so it didn't much matter - in fact, I gained about $15,000 in debt (student loan, credit cards, car note) the day we married!
2"In some cases it makes sense, but it would depend on the situation."
My vote.
3It makes sense. So many messy divorces these days. One of my friends is getting divorced with no prenup and is losing lot's of her grandparents possessions that were left to her...so sad - but he gets half.
4I think that if you feel like you need a prenup, then you don't trust the integrity of the person that you're marrying, and you don't trust the relationship to last.
So, the idea of a prenup is a good one, but I feel like, if you think a prenup is necessary, then you're not marrying the right person.
5Ugh - I think I'm just bitter but write a prenup. Sure you're supposed to be together forever and love surmounts all obstacles
but let's be real. Divorce is common. Protect your interests.
6Every single person in my extended family has been divorced, except one. That really makes me feel strongly that prenuptual agreements are just a sensible way to protect each party entering into a legal agreement.
Not romantic, I know... I once heard it phrased like this though: "I love you so much that I want us to protect each other from what might happen down the road."
People can turn into monsters during divorces. It just makes sense.
7I used to be so anti-prenup. I figured it's wrong to be going into a marriage already thinking about divorce. But now my stance on it has really changed. If you do unfortunately have to get divorced, it makes things so much easier. Divorce is tough enough as is, the last thing you need is more fighting and problems over money. Divorce is just so common and you never know what will happen, so I think it's good to be prepared and cut the risk of being screwed over.
8I think that pre-nups are absolutely necessary. I am in law school now and so I am definitely an advocate of them. But even before I decided to be a lawyer I thought they were necessary. I don't buy into the whole "he's planning the divorce while I'm planning the wedding" thing. I just think that women should be smart with the reality that not all marriages last and I just think that its better to have one than not having one and wishing later that you did. Even if you don't have any mjaor assets at the time, its still a good thing to have to lay out how things will be divided in the event that you do get divorced. I certainly don't plan on getting married without one!
9I'd sign one -- I'm not marrying someone for the money, I'm not a golddigger, so what do I care? I'd RATHER show the world that I wasn't in it for money so at least there are no rumors flying behind my back!
10Of course instead, I'm marrying a medical intern with $250K+ in medical school debt. Ha. Can I get an inverse prenup that in the case of divorce, I get back all the money I'm paying towards his loans?
It's not only about protecting what you already have. You can build your prenup to include whatever you feel necessary. All we wanted to protect is inheritance we will each receive in the future. If something happens and we end up divorcing, I would not want to have to share what my parents' left me. I think it's normal.
11I can see if your significantly richer than your partner but for normal people like me who have no money then I see no point in a pre-nup.
12I know I will always make more than my bf so if get married there will definitely be a prenup involved. Even though I hope to never be divorced I can't predict the future, so I'm protecting myself.
13People who try to steal from their ex-partners are totally pathetic. Prenups are a good idea, I don't see how they're "unromantic" - what's more romantic than proving the world you're not in it for the money?
14it really depends on each couple and situation.
15i just got engaged and this came up from my family. a stipulation of my trust fund and my grandparents estate is that the money/land must stay with my sister or i's names. if we have children then to them, but no husbands. i think my great gram went through enough husbands, and my parents divorced that my grandparents thought it necessary. my fiancee is fine with it, he says "i'm not marrying you for money" which is great, and i agree. so yeah, we're doing a prenup
16"Till death do us part" and "just in case it doesn't work" contradict each other. I would never sign a pre-nup.
I think most people get divorced because they got married for the wrong reasons.
17I was just reading the posts above mine - It seems to me that too many people are worried about material things and money. They are just "things." Yes, I would be sad if my husband divorced me and then he got stuff from my grandmother. It would be hard to lose a lot of my money - but it's just money... they're just "things."
I think for a lot of people their world revolves around money/looks/image/material things. My world revolves around happiness and love - not around societies version of success.
18We don't have one, but I think they are a good idea for some couples. We thought about getting one because my husband's brother is severely mentally handicapped, and when their parents die my husband will inherit everything for tax/benefit reasons, but half of it is really to care for his brother. You just never know what's going to happen and how people are going to act. Neither of us thinks I would try to take his handicapped brother's inheritance, but protecting it with a prenup removes this issue altogether.
And my best friend is divorced (no prenup) and got saddled with half of the credit card debt her husband ran up while they were married. Ugh!
19Betty7, while I respect your opinions, there are logical fallacies contained within them.
Getting a prenup doesn't mean you are superficial and that your life doesn't revolve around happiness and love. Those two are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not interested in money, except to the extent that I need it to live, and if I had children, I would need it to support the children.
In the sad case of a divorce, I would want that protection outlined in a document and would not want to fight about it in court.
I only want to get married once. I strongly believe most people enter marriage feeling that way. They say "'til death do us part'" and they MEAN it.
What happens afterwards is a mix of things. Maybe some people did get married for the "wrong" reasons. But whatever it is that's happening, it's leading to a divorce rate of what, like 60% now?
So while "just in case" and "'til death do us part" aren't compatible, "just in case" is VERY compatible with a 60% failed marriage rate.
It doesn't mean I'm superficial or give a sh*t about status, or am planning to get divorced.
What it means to me is this: We are imperfect people who make imperfect decisions. We decide to commit to someone for the rest of our lives, and we can't control how that turns out. We don't have perfect knowledge when we say those magic words.
To me it's the ultimate acknowledgement that while I'd like to believe I'm somehow *different* from everyone else, and immune to whatever it is that causes 60% of other people to divorce, that the reality is I'm not any different.
20he hates it when i say it but he's the (much much) richer one so immediately i issued the prenup. i'm the one with tons of debt but i dont mind prenups cause i'm not in it for the money. (i'm paying off my own debts btw)
21My husband and I aren't even through college yet, so it wasn't necessary for us. Anything we have later on will be shared, and I like that. But I would sign a pre-nup if one of us had come into the marriage with a lot of money.
22If a marriage ends, I think it's better to end it gracefully and with respect for the love you had going into it. That means taking as much of the fighting out of it as possible. A prenup can help with that.
In short, while it not be very romantic, it can also be seen as a way to protect your positive feelings for each other in the future, no matter what happens.
23I really like what Lyv said above.
24Minday, he only gets half of what was acquired during the marriage and inheritance is not included in that (its sole and separate property). where does your friend live? unless she gave him her grandfathers cufflinks (for example) they are hers when she leaves the marriage.
25i would sign one. my parents have both been divorced twice - having a prenup takes out a lot of the hassle associated with that time in your life. not everything is meant to last a lifetime - including your marriage.
26Wow, glad to know I'm not in the minority! Though I think if my current bf and I got married and I insisted on a prenup, he would be really hurt. But you never know what will happen, so I really think it's in the best interest of both people, really.
27The possesions that I bring into the marriage as well as the money will have to stay with me if we end up in divorce. There is no way that the ex will walk away with half of my belongings and my money that I worked too hard for. Definitely a prenup for me.
28It's not about romance- not everything in a relationship IS about romance. It's about being practical. In some situations, a prenup is absolutely neccessary.
29We don't have any money so it wasn't an issue. But i understand why people with a lot of money get them and i see no problem with that. Yes, marriage is supposed to be forever but unfortunately it isn't always.
30i think it's necessary in some situations. mine isn't one of them, though.
31I am planning our wedding now and I am 30 years old and my fiance is 28 and not from this country. My mother was very fast to point out even when you are in love you sometimes ware the blinders and over look things that may happen years from now. When children are involved.
Would he ever just up and leave and take the children out of the country.
We are both established in our careers and the issues over assets I do feel he is insulted but still no one wants to discuss these things when you are planning a family and a future. There are no guarantees so I think stand your ground and each draw up their own with a lawyer.
Even with how far he is to take the children. You may be kicking yourself for buckling for the sake of his ego somewhere done the road and like I tell him everyday " I am only going to do this ( marriage ) ONCE !!!
32I think it depends on the situation. Obviously, it was in Mariah Carey's best interest to have one considering they've only been going out for 6 weeks and she's worth so much!
33I may be going against the grain here, but marriage should be about love and commitment. I think a prenup just opens the door for the possibility of a divorce. "I love you now, but I may not in 20 years, so we'll have to protect ourselves from each other just in case." If you're not ready to trust and spend the rest of your life with someone, wait a bit longer until you know. Granted, I know that bad things happen, and sometimes, you just can't foresee the future, but on the whole, I'm against them.
My husband and I were married with no prenup. Not only did we not have much money to begin with, but it closes the door on that option. Yes, hard times will come and we'll have our problems, but you work through them and don't give up.
34A bunch of people here have said they are going into the marragie with debt (or have taken on their husbands debt). A prenup can state that the debt was prior to the marraige, so that in case one partner dies, the other doesn't have to take on the responsibility of the debt. Even if both partners are still alive, if there is a large amount of debt, without legal protection creditors can go after your spouse's income for payments on those debts (depending on how large they are).
I think there are a lot of smart legal safety guards that can be part of prenups. I think a lot of focus is put more on the 'negative' aspects (protecting your money...just in case) but there is a broad range of legal issues that a prenup can take care of.
35I agree with kazagirl
36i think it's a good idea for someone worth billions like mariah, but for everyday people, it's depressing. the only fight me and SO ever got into was over pre-nups: he wants one, i don't. he claims that i should want to protect my assets, i say it's terrible to think about the marriage ending before it even begins--i'm in it for life.
37im completely with you amynick!
38To me a pre-nup is the responsible thing to do for your family. I think it is especially important when children are involved. You can always change it down the road. I have no problem saying that I want to keep the material things I came into a marriage with. Marriage isn't always romantic and I don't know anyone that thinks they are going to do it more than once. A lot of people get caught up with the romance of the day instead of what will or can happen in real life.
39I don't mind pre-nups. I would sign one. But its more likely that i'd have to make the guy sign one.
40I think a prenup is a necessary part of the process. I used to think it was wrong since its not "romantic" or it is planning the end of the marriage before it starts... However, as I grew older and more successful I realized that as women, we need to plan for the future! I'm definitely all about protecting my future "just in case". I mean, both sides need to consider signing one in my opinion. Lets say one is richer when the marriage begins, however, she loses her job a few years down the line. Now, both of them need to work hard to avoid more debt. Well, the one who was "less rich" becomes richer than the other in their job, or maybe they inherit money or belongings from family. Either way you need to plan also for what happens between the beginning and the possible end. Although you may feel hurt if your SO wants you to sign a prenup, but did you maybe think about YOU becoming the more successful spouse? Now, if you both don't have any money to begin with its still necessary in my opinion because I sure don't plan on settling for the money I make now for the rest of my life! I want to be even richer one day!!!
My SO of only 7 months placed me as the beneficiary on his Roth IRA just 2 days ago. Now, while I don't "plan" on the relationship ending, I had to ask... are you sure??? I did not put him as mine when I opened any of my savings, but that is because my parents are alive and very close with me. Thats not to say I won't change it later on to include my husband first, BUT he and his parents do not get along well, so he wanted someone who actually cared about him. Still, I'm not really close to marrying him so I cautioned him a little! Even I don't want to take away his savings in the case things turn bitter!
41i think that there really are times when it makes sense - and that there should be one. to this day we still get into debates with my brother becuase he didn't have his wife sign one- and if they ever get divorced, she'll get the better deal. i think that for myself, my mom will want me to make my husband sign one...but who knows - we'll have to see when that happens.
in the day of quick celeb marriages/divorces - it's something that NEEDS to be done - since everyone seems to be out to get something from their signifcant other.
42I used to think they were unromantic and showed a lack of trust but I recently started dating someone who owns a 4th generation family business and it was almost run into the ground with his parents divorce. Whether he wants to or not with me specifically, his role in the company required him to sign a contract years before he met me that binds him to have one.
That being said, having grown up in a blue collar working class household, I am expected to come into some money in the next few years as well and I now understand the point.
It has nothing to do with not loving him. Really, its about self preservation.
If you both come into it with equal debt and assets, then I wouldn't bother.
43I think if one person makes more than the other, I should say probably an extra $10000 a year, a prenup would be a good idea. In Mariah Carey's case, we're talking about millions of dollars, at the very least, and she married someone she only dated for six weeks. A prenup was definitely a good idea. However, a couple of hundred bucks difference in monthly paychecks is nothing to get petty about.
44Prenups are only for people who don't really mean it when they say "till DEATH" - I am so sick of people treating marriage like a game that they can bail out of whenever they get bored - marriage is for life! I understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances like infedility and abuse, but most divorces are not because of either of those reasons. If you don't think you can promise to love someone for the rest of your life, then don't get married! As far as prenups go, it says "I love you, but I love my money more"...
45I believe in a community property state, assets should be split 50/50 that were acquired during the marriage. Only those acquired in the marriage.
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